Yesterday after work I headed over to Marshalls, the discount clothing store. I need a new pair of closet pants, as I fit and regularly wear the two pair that I'd actually found in my closet. I decided that Marshalls was the place to go, because I didn't want to spend more than $50 on a pair of jeans that I intend on shrinking out of in a couple months time (though I do intend to buy a pair of $500 Versace jeans when I hit a 33 waist - a waste, to be sure, but dammit sometimes you have to treat yourself and I've always wanted one pair of designer jeans).
The thing about Marshalls is, they're so feast or famine! Last night's row of size 38s had a *ton* of junky brands, brands I'd *never* heard of, or jeans with bizarre stitching patterns or weird patches sewn in on them. To be fair I've been out of buying normal jeans in a normal store for several years now, but really? Does Tommy Hilfiger or Polo not make jeans anymore? Am I that out of style? Do Levis still exist? What's going on here? Arggh!
After I'd made up my mind to go with a pair that I hated slightly less than all the others, I did one final loop through the men's section, just to be sure. I found myself first by the socks, where I decided that it was a good time to do my binge/purge routine, wherein I buy 18-20 new pairs of socks, then come home and cull all the existing white socks I own, throwing them out. Honestly, fresh, thick white cotton socks on my feets is one of the best feelings in the world! Once for a birthday a friend of mine bought me a six pack of socks and I still think it's one of the better gifts I've ever received. Then I looped through the underwear section. I think that either all male underwear models have the biggest flaccid penises in the world, or like me they pick up some fresh socks regularly. These pictures don't make me want to buy the underwear, they make me wonder if I need an erection to fill them out properly. Apparently the underwear makers have decided that wives and girlfriends buy the guy in their life underwear? Let's just move on.
I looped back to the 38s, just for one more go at them. Maybe I missed something, you know? Perry Ellis, Perry Ellis, Perry El -- wait a minute... What!? Are these... Lucky Brand? Really? I *love* Lucky jeans! I wore them almost exclusively in college. Fantastic denim. And they're here? In Marshalls? Does this mean that Lucky Brand are lame now? Do I need to go buy a new copy of Details magazine? Whatever - I was totally excited! So I bought my pair of 38 Luckys and took 'em home. I peeled off the tags (these guys ain't going back, even if they don't fit... well, *especially* if they don't fit), then went into the bedroom and tried them on. One leg through... not bad around the thigh. A second leg... still doing okay, mostly. Up over my butt and we're still in the game... button them an -- button them an-- button... No. No go. If I sucked it all in and held my breath I could button them, but then I look like a total asshole with an extra-poochy belly as all my fat gets pushed up and over the waistline. Oh well. I'll try again in two weeks. :)