Closet pants II

So yesterday I did something kind of fun... I wore my closet pants to work. And not the ones that kind sorta fit, and definitely not the ones without the button. No, I wore the ones that didn't fit at all last time. Size 40s.

Now, I'll be the first to admit, I looked like an asshole. These pants fit snugly across the waist and butt, and that's fine, though I'm used to having tons of extra room in the hamstring area, and having the butt of my jeans droop a bit. These didn't. I guess they fit me properly, which is a change. lol. Unfortunately, my shirt... I'm in this weird place where my 3xl shirts are now fitting too big for me. They really billow out at the sides and look more like a smock than a shirt. The fact that I wore a long-sleeve tshirt under the short-sleeved 3xl made it look even moreso like a smock over my real clothes.

I cleaned out my closet last night. It look quite some time. It was so dusty and mildewy... I sneezed and sweat and was generally miserable. I found several old shirts, but 2xl are still far too tight on me, especially over my stomach. So I look like an idiot in the 3xl, but I look like a desperate, fat idiot in the 2xl. So I'll stick with the 3 for now.

This is my life. lol!

306.3 <-- new low!

A new week

Weekends and week starts are apparently weakends and weak starts for me. I put on 3 pounds over the weekend. Again, not real weight - the last two weekends have taught me that - and it'll be gone by tomorrow/Wednesday, but if I just didn't do that, if I just ate clean over the weekend, I'd be hitting new lows rather than treading back across familiar ground. Ah yes, I guess I've identified my issues.

At least when confronted with the probability of ordering Chinese food for the second time in as many days yesterday, I just skipped it and went to a movie instead. Drank water. Went home. Talked to a friend, shared some laughs, went to bed.

Could be worse.

309.9

Week's end

Had a cheat lunch yesterday. As with every Thursday, my coworkers and I went out. The choice yesterday? Dino's Gyros. I got a Philly Gyro (lots of cheese), but opted for the salad instead of the fries and water over a soda. Then afterward we went to Starbucks and I got a medium White Chocolate Mocha with no whip and skim milk.

Total gain - nothing. Total loss - nothing.

I'll take it.

Today was a *huge* leg day. I was completely soaked. So I look forward to tomorrow's weigh-in. I should be down another half to a pound, depending on what I do today.

There was some controversy at the gym - my workout partner asked this dude who is totally ripped about fat loss, and what to do to increase the fat loss. The dude asked what our heartrate was, and was told we're in the 160s/170s. He said to be in the 130s. The 130s? I don't even feel like I've had a workout at that rate. He said we're burning off lean muscle. Anyone know? Is that true? Because I'm down 28 pounds, so I'd like to think that I'm doing something right. And I know that I've increased my cardio load, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm burning fat. At the same time, I look at Olympic sprinters, who shoot their heartrate way up, and compare their body type to the Olympic marathon runners, who keep their heartrate lower and have anti-ripped bodies.

I think I need to just switch to intervals on the elliptical. I've played with that idea a couple weeks ago, but didn't stick with it and figure out my proper levels. And I *know* that interval training is good for weight loss. Maybe that's why sprinters are ripped? Go hard, walk it off, go hard again, rinse, wash, repeat.

Thoughts?

306.9

Good Workouts and Bad Workouts

I think I'm treading water here - nothing of interest to post.

Yesterday I had one of the weaker workouts I've ever had. It started bad as Dan and I debated doing the stationary bike, climbed on for 4 minutes, then realized that that thing sucks and went back to the elliptical. But due to time constraints, we only did 15 minutes of elliptical work. Then we went to do our chest workout and I felt like we wasted a ton of time in between sets. To top it off, we finished with a seated pec fly routine on a machine, only as it was the first time cycling this exercise into the program, we didn't know what weight to use and ended up going too light, and having a lame overall day.

I ate well yesterday though. Southwest salad, pineapple chunks, a Subway club, a packet of apples, and loads of water with one Diet Coke for good measure.

I hate having a bad workout. I guess you need them so you can tell when you've had a good workout, but bleh.

Today's workout was much better. Great, great elliptical - I was really sweating today. Then we did arms and got a great pump. The preacher curls we slowed down a bit on, but that was the last of four exercises and I'm okay with it.

306.9

Sagging Skin

I'm now just over 27 pounds lost since starting back in mid-July, and one of my bigger concerns is starting to possibly show up.

Month ago, when I'd step out of the shower and grab my towel and towel off, I'd look in the mirror. All my 'stuff' stayed relatively in place. I guess my skin was pretty taught (and as I was adding a pound a month at that point, I was always stretching against it), so it kept me together. But now there's 27 pounds worth of empty space, and when I towel off, my 'stuff' starts to jiggle. And keeps jiggling. lol. It's most pronounced at the bottom of my gut, where the stomach overhangs my waistline. Not only does that area shake quite a bit, but it also seems to have what looks to be little pock marks or hail damage. Not quite cellulite (does that stuff get on your stomach?), but just... I don't know. About a month ago on my forearms (especially the right one) I noticed this kind of... divot? Sure. Divot. I noticed this divot appear on the inside of the forearm. It doesn't correspond to any missing bone or missing muscle, and I assume that as I was losing weight the divot was just one of the first areas that the fat started disappearing from. I know that there's no such thing as spot reduction (you can't do situps to lose fat around the midsection specifically, it just all starts coming off), but I do think that there's probably little spots that will just disappear a bit faster than others as my body gets used to less fat. Or burns it off.

Back on topic. I fear the sagging, loose skin. And I know that some of the people out there reading this have lost 30, 50, 100 and even more pounds. What can you tell me? I've heard rumors about milk helping to tighten the skin, but that sounds to me like a wives' tale. I've also read articles that say that if you're working out, you're filling some of the space back up with muscle and it helps to lessen the issue. I'm not down with much in the way of medical, but I think in this instance I'd opt for the skin removal surgery if it gets bad. Anyone have that? Recommendations?

307.5 btw

Neat.

Got out of the shower today and caught a glimpse of myself - I'm still all big and gross and whatnot, but -BUT- I noticed something. My forearms.

Back when I started my workouts, I turned to my workout partner on arm day. "Forearm curls?" I'd asked him. "Nah," he said. "Forearms take care of themselves." I gave him a derisive snort and went about working the biceps and triceps. Well, it's now been 2.5 months since starting this and guess what - he was right. Somewhere in the preacher curls, reverse curls, tricep pushdowns, bench press, and anything else that uses a strong grip I've worked my forearms. And looking at them in the mirror, I could see... lines. Lines of muscle, twisting up my arms. They disappeared as they got close to the elbow of course - the fat starts really taking over at that point. And only the smallest hint of a tricep/shoulder bulge show at the moment. Those muscles are just buried under pounds and pounds of fat. But where the fat runs thin, where the muscle is close to the skin on my forearms... it's there. The promise of a better, fitter, stronger me.

It will be months and months of work until I see the muscle lines I want - shoulders, pecs, bis, quads, calves. But they're in there, and they're waiting for me. Waiting for me to purge the fat. Waiting to be seen.

Steady Progress

So yay, my cheat day damage is already behind me, which took significantly longer to get behind me last time. So this week I can really focus on my goal of getting below 300 pounds for the first time in, well... who knows how long? I've lived in my current apartment for more than three years, and I know that I was 300+ at the place I lived for 9 months prior to this. But I think that before that, in my duplex in Minneapolis, I was 275 at my worst. So I'll say 4 years. Four years of being 300+ pounds. And in less than three weeks, I'll rid myself of that shackle. For good.

Other than that, just a good back day today. Doing the lower back extension machine never really feels like a tough workout, but too often I hear that men get lower back pain because they've got a big gut in the front and it's too much pressure on the back. So I'm aware and make sure to give my lower back some reps every other week, just to keep it strong while I slim down my gut. Other than that, we did close-grip lat pulldowns and the t-bar row. The t-bar killed me the first time through, but after three weeks of it I'm ready to go up in weight. In fact, I'm going up in weight on several exercises. The front/side raises for my shoulders yesterday went up from 10 to 12 pounds (they're *so* hard!), and the shoulder shrugs will be going up 5 pounds next time through. So I'm gaining strength as I'm losing weight. Two very good things.

I told my mom last night that I'm down 25 pounds, and that my big goal is 150. "That's great," she said, "I recommend you lose 2 pounds a week." No dice mom. I know that's "healthy" weight loss, but percentage-wise, it's not enough. At that rate, it would take me 75 weeks to lose all the weight. And frankly, I don't have the time. I'm ready to get back out there and start living my life again, and I want to start NOW.

Today's weigh-in: 308.5

So I'm kind of an idiot from time to time.

Good God. Yesterday I start off so frickin' sweet. I'd reached my latest goal, I'd been open and totally honest with friends, and I was feeling so good. So what did I do? I gave myself a 'cheat' day. All the programs say it's okay. They all say to do it from time to time. Don't go overboard, but indulge a bit.

So I did.

For lunch I met up with some buddies of mine and went to get Chinese food. The place I go makes their portions so frigging huge! There's plenty for two in just one of the servings. But what did I do? Housed the whole thing, bonus eggroll and all the fried rice too. I'd swapped Mountain Dew for Diet Coke, though I'm not convinced that Diet pop actually curtails pounds. There's still something fishy there. But whatever. Then I had a cheese danish! And a 20oz Mountain Dew! Then a second Dew! Then a Kit-Kat! OMG!!! For dinner I reeled it back with a 350 calorie 6" sub on wheat with no mayo or oil or salt, along with a packet of sliced apples and a Coke Zero, then had 1.5 liters of water, but my lunchtime/snacktime damage had been done. This morning I'm 313.4 pounds. I know based on last week's "cheat day" that it'll drop off fast, but still. I'm an idiot. I need to remember, enjoy, don't indulge. And, if I find that I cannot just enjoy, then don't bother. Because I feel guilty eating it, then feel shitty for having eaten it, then feel like an idiot for the negative change on the scale.

Cheat days are overrated. And I'm kind of an idiot from time to time.

Suck it weekend.

After last weekend's disastrous 10 pound gain, I knew that things had to change this weekend. Like many people trying to lose weight, the weekend tends be like the change of a dealer at a blackjack table - things are going well, you're successful, you're raking in the chips and dropping the pounds, then boom! this new guy starts dealing cards and ices the table, and players start peeling off and heading for the buffet or the craps table. The schedule change, the time-shift from when meals take place, the loss of routine, whatever it is, weekends just screw me up.

And this weekend was another tuffy, as I split from work at noon on Friday and headed down to my high-school town to join up with friends for cocktails and dinner and some high-school football and rah-rahs. And it was good. Fun times. We never did make it to the football game, but it was great seeing these guys I hadn't seen in years, swapping funny stories and laughing and drinking. I ended up having way too many drinks and was in no condition to drive, so I rented a hotel room within walking distance and slept it off. I woke up in the morning feeling mostly okay, so I called up my buddy and went over there. After a couple hours of sitting on his deck, watching him and his wife pound down nails (10 in two hours!), I'd kind of decided that it was probably time to go. So I went. Got home, picked up some steamed veggies and chicken for dinner, had a beer, then called it a night and was in bed by 9:30.

But what I didn't do was eat heavy. I had a light turkey wrap for dinner on Friday, and some toast and water for breakfast on Saturday. And I also am really *really* feeling those v-squats from Friday. Especially today. Good lord.

Anyway, I just weighed in. 309.7. I'm outta the teens, into the oughts and have a fresh three-week clock that starts to get my next goal complete - to not weigh 300+ pounds. I'm down just over 25 pounds now, and down 4.8 pounds for this week.

I regret not doing this sooner, but I'm so happy that I am doing it now. I'm feeling so good, physically and emotionally. Things are looking up. :)

Legs and Wins

I had a huge leg day today - first I kicked up the elliptical to lvl 7 to keep pushing myself (I couldn't really tell the difference from lvl 6, so I assume I'll be up to lvl 8 next week). Then Dan and I switched up the leg program. We tossed out the hack squat and brought in a V-squat. Somewhat similar, though instead of at a 45° angle, you're mostly upright. The hack squat focuses on the quadricep, while the v-squat gets that muscle, the hamstring and the butt. And holy cow could I feel it. I was soaking with sweat by the time we were done with our third set. We then did leg extensions, followed by calf raises. We gave the hammys and the step up machine a rest this week, just to keep things fresh and attack the legs from different angles. I feel great right now!

For those who are just starting out, or mulling over starting up a weight-loss program, I wanted to talk a bit about my legs. Or more specifically, my knees.

Back in May/June/July, when I'd get up out of my computer chair at either home or work, I'd find myself limping. Limping because my knees were screaming at me. They were always stiff and inflexible and in pain. I distinctly remember thinking to myself, "when I see my folks at Thanksgiving, how am I going to hide this?" and didn't have an answer. It was a bit embarassing, but mostly it was a cause for concern. I didn't want another 40 or 50 years of this crap.

I didn't even realize that it was going to happen, but the elliptical machine has completely resolved that issue. Seriously, after about two weeks of 20 minutes a day for 5 days a week, my knees were back! And I didn't notice it right away, but I distinctly recall sitting in my computer chair at home, and having to go to the bathroom. I stood up and walked to the hallway, and realized halfway there that my limp was gone, that my knees didn't want to buckle and give way, and that I was getting better. It was just one of those "a-ha!" moments that felt so good. Small victories like that really help to keep the motivation going strong. Now that I'm down some 22+ pounds and can see the difference in the mirror, I don't need little things to motivate me as much. Now I'm like Michael Jordan back in the day - winning is addictive. I want to just keep winning. I don't need to read a book or a blog or watch a disc or clip or anything like that. I just want to add to my victory pile.

I want to not be 300+ pounds.

Ramblings

Sometimes I just don't have much to post. Such is the case today. Nothing terrible food-wise yesterday (a protein shake for breakfast, some sushi and fruit for lunch, a Subway club with no mayo or oil or salt on wheat bread for dinner), and a good night's rest last night, followed by another good arm day today. And I'm down another pound to 312.5. I did wake up again last night (every night for 3 or more weeks now), but I believe that it's work stress induced and nothing more than that. And my current work drama won't be resolved for awhile now, so I guess I'll just get used to waking up at 2am every night. Sweet.

So why post when I have little to say? Well, I've noticed a trend among fellow 'get fit' bloggers. They do well, then stop posting, and when they're not posting they tend to not be exercising either, and usually come back on several weeks/months later offering a mea culpa to nobody in particular, swearing that they're going to be back. I know, I've done it years ago myself. A couple times. So I journal my ongoings as I draw closer to my goal, in an attempt to keep myself focused on what I want and what I need, and to not be drawn off course.

Remember, just because you're not necessarily having success doesn't mean you can't post. Sometimes posting about your failures can be just as, if not more, inspiring. Provided that you keep going forward, it's just a nice sign to let others know that losing a battle here and there is okay provided you're still winning the war.

moving forward again

313.7 today. New best. I'm 3.8 pounds from my next goal, which is set to expire on Tuesday or Wednesday of next week, so I can't have a weekend blow up like this past one. Can't happen. Won't happen. Too important to be in the oughts, because once that's done? I'm like a stone's throw away from getting the hell out of the three hundreds. For good.

Today was chest day. In an attempt to keep things fresh and different, we didn't do the standard bench press. Instead, this time we opted for dumbbell press. Now typically our starting weight on the bench is the bar (45), plus 45 pound plates on either side. Yes, you can do more than me. No, I don't give a shit. But for the dumbbell presses, rather than divide that number in half, we just went with the 45 pounders. Oh. My. God. It wasn't that the weight was heavy (it wasn't), it was that I have all these little twitchy muscles in my arms and shoulders and chest, and I could feel them firing as I pressed the weight up, twisted the dumbbells at the top of the motion, then brought them down. They weren't working as a team. I was having control/stability issues.

Typically we tend to use machines for most of the workouts we do. And there are pluses and minuses to machines, just as there are for freeweights. The biggest plus for the machines is that they're fast. One quick flip of the pin and we have a weight change. And they isolate one muscle - you can really feel it when you're squeezing the isolated muscle. But because they isolate, all the little supporter muscles/tendons/whatever-I'm-not-a-doctor don't get worked. So when grabbing the dumbbells, these guys, that have been dormant while the big muscle has been getting stronger and building endurance, aren't ready yet.

After about three reps, I tossed the twist at the top of the motion out and just focused on control and form and stability. We went up to 50 for the second and third sets, then agreed that these were a fantastic addition and that we'd alternate weeks between bench press and dumbbell press, keeping things fresh and moving the exercises around.

I highly recommend that if you do three sets for a body part when you're working out, that at least one of the sets is a free weight set. I think that you'll see better gains in your other sets as a result, and I also know that I was sweating like a pig (do pigs sweat? isn't that why they roll in mud? to cool off?) while doing the dumbbells, so I'm getting a great workout. They just take so much longer when you're working with a partner and trying to get in the reps. But yeah, they're good.

another day on the farm

Went to bed at 10 last night. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. Funny, I used to stay up until 1 or 2, but now... I just don't feel good when I do. Of course, the alarm at 6:15 doesn't help me staying up late, but still. Though for the past three weeks I'm restless and wake up at some point during the night, look at the clock, then roll back over and zonk out again. Not too sure what's up with that, but I've always been a heavy sleeper, and I don't like this new wrinkle. (I think it's work-related stress).

315 today. Just about have that terrible Saturday behind me. Thank God. I need to choose better alternatives on the weekends. It's always been such a problem, but now it's just a straight-up issue. So I'll mark that on my calendar for this week and let you know on Monday how it goes.

Had a big back day today, complete with the t-bar rows. They're so tough! But I'm feeling good, so yay me. And I think that's it from St. Paul, MN. Not too exciting, but such is my life.

Pants

So after my little XXL shirt experiment (fail, btw), I decided that I was a glutton for punishment and went digging into my closet for pants.

Two things about these closet pants - the first, they're called closet pants because that's where they live. Not out among the active pants that I might wear to some fashionable joint like... the mall. Or the grocery store. Or work. Nope, my closet pants don't fit, so much like the Isle of Misfit Toys, the closet is the current last stop for my non-fitting stuff. Lots of shirts in there too. And it kind smells like old in there. I don't really venture into the closet too much.

Second - I don't have too many pairs of closet pants left. Back in December or so of last year, I made a good, but bad choice. See, I had tons of pants that were just sitting around, collecting dust and old smell. And I have a buddy who, while a bit husky, isn't fat, but is broke. He burned through his one or two pairs of pants (I mean, *really* broke), so I gave him my pants. I thought to myself that screw it, I was now officially a fat guy, and that wasn't going to change. I didn't need size 36 or 38 pants (still fatty pants, btw). So I gave them all away.

And now things have changed.

Currently I'm wearing size 44 pants. While that's big, some dudes at my weight are in the fifties. Apparently my weight didn't cling to my hips, it went to my sweet gut instead. Whatever. So I went into the closet and lo and behold... three pair of jeans were up on the top shelf! I grabbed the first pair - a pair of 42s in a brand I'd never heard of. Did I even buy these? Seriously, I have no recollection of them. They looked fairly new, as in unworn. Hmm. So I tried them on. As I was drawing them up over my thigh, I was waiting for the worst but mildly surprised. Then I pulled them up over my butt. Still fine. I went to button them, and... erm... they did. They buttoned. Not like, omg these pants are so loose, but more in a, "hey, we're going to button for you, but you're still probably a couple weeks of hard work away from sitting comfortably in us" way. Neat! So then I grabbed the second pair, again a pair of 42s. They slid on more comfortably than the previous pair! I went to button them and - wait a minute... where's the? What? No button? Apparently I've done this experiment before. Weird. No recollection, but these jeans (decent-looking, and a brand I've heard of), would fit quite comfortably. If they had a button. Whatever.

The third pair were a set of 40s, but in an 'urban' brand, so they're probably a bit generous. I hoped. I pulled them on and immediately felt them constrict around my thighs. I pulled them over my butt, but they resisted. And once they were on, I went to button them. No dice. Like, a good two inches of no dice. Dammit.

But it's actually okay. Now I have those 40s sitting on a shelf by my bed, waiting for me. They want to be my buddy again. So once that happens... I guess that means that I can shop for jeans in a normal store. No more Casual Male XL for those. So damn close. And once a 2xl fits, I'll never have to step foot in that store again! I can't wait to never give them my business.

What the shit.

So wow. Last night, after admittedly not having the best weekend in terms of weight loss/eating, I stepped on the scale. 314? No. 315?Not quite. I could do this dumb game all post, but reading 10 of those things would get about as lame as typing them. Nope, I was at a less-than-svelte 324. What the shit? Saturday I road-tripped up to Duluth, MN. For breakfast I had two McGriddle sandwiches, a hashbrown, and a Diet Coke. For lunch, some crappy Chinese food from Shanghi Express (avoid if you're in the area). For dinner? Two Diet Cokes and a uh... full 12" pizza. Ohmygod! I don't know what happened! Well, I guess I do - that happened.

By this morning I'd somehow slept off 5 pounds and was back at 319, but c'mon man. Clearly I didn't injest 35,000 calories in one day (I swear!), so I'm guessing that the McGriddles, Chinese and pizza were all loaded with sodium and I'm retaining liquids something fierce. At least, that's my hope. Because seriously, anything more than a one or two pound gain? In one day? Give me a break.

Anyway, big shoulder workout today, and I'm feeling good. I need to do laundry tonight, I've run out of t-shirts.

Opening up a bit more

I think part of the fixing/rebuilding process is letting other people in. In one of my earlier posts from July I'd written that I was two weeks into my new deal, but that I wasn't telling anyone because I didn't want to drop the ball and look like an asshole. Lots of those feelings came from a place of fear - fear that I wouldn't last at the program. Fear that I wouldn't lose weight even if I tried. Fear that if I messed up I'd be rejected by my friends. And shame that admitting that I had a problem would show weakness. And worthlessness. But now I realize that it's okay. Because I'm okay. Hell, I'm better than that, I'm pretty goddamn sweet. So I'm sharing a bit more. Letting more people who know me personally know what I'm up to. It's good. It's healthy. Not necessarily physically, but emotionally healthy to open up a bit (though don't mistake my kindness and less-vicious personal attacks as weakness - just a sign that I'm a better person. lol). So yeah, I guess I've got that going for me. Which is nice.

I tend to write some of these entries from a place of personal introspection. Which means that sometimes if I'm feeling superficial I'll just post about what I did today (elliptical on lvl 6, hack squats, leg curls and the step up thing of doom bullshit, whatever they call it), and sometimes I'll reveal a bit more. Last time I kept a blog I did the same thing, only once I'd told too many people about it, I started getting people busting my chops a bit over some of the posts I'd made, or some of the feelings I'd had. So I kind of stopped posting. Then I just deleted that fucker. And I guess that right now it's probably a good thing, because I ended up getting kind of weird and dark and miserable on that thing, and it wouldn't be a good reflection of who I am right now. But sometimes I kind of want to go back and read it anyway. I can look in the mirror or step on the scale right now and see the physical changes I'm experiencing, but to read those old posts would be a fun (or disasterous?) way to see the emotional changes I'm experiencing.

I have no idea what I'm rambling about today.

And now I'm down to 314.5. No suprise that I didn't drop a full pound - yesterday I had a Red Robin hamburger for lunch. Well, half of one anyway. I saved the other half for dinner. But I had fries and a Mountain Dew (the blue Voltage kind - they're so damn good!), then two more at dinner along with some sort of candy/pastery thing that probably had enough preservatives to keep me looking gorgeous for days if it caused a heartattack and I keeled over. Anyway, what the hell was I rambling about? Right. Oh yeah. 314.5. So that's 4.6 pounds until I'm in the oughts, and that's pretty awesome. I believe I've still got a week and a half until my timeline expires for that goal, so I'm right on schedule. I do have a trip out of town tomorrow which could potentially throw a wrench into the plans, but I'll just do the best job I can do and keep my eyes (and mind) on the prize.

That just happened.

Today I weighed in at 315 on the button. That's officially 20 pounds that I'm now done with for good. Effing sweet.

If you want to lose weight and you're looking for a magic pill or diet that will get it done for you - quit searching. It doesn't exist. The only thing that works is you. Find your internal strength. Then find some dumbbells - nothing helps to lose weight more than lifting weight, except to watch what you eat. Put those two things together, you're going to have success. Portion control, controlled caloric intake, low sodium, low in big sugars.

At least that's what I've found so far.

My arms are burning after today's big arms day. And I kicked it up to lvl 6 on the elliptical today too - I caught up to Dan, my workout partner. I've got a good 100 pounds on him, but we both did lvl 6 and went 1.7 miles (my mile is down to 11:30 now), but my heartrate was in the 170s (with a brief jump to 180 as I pushed to get my mile under 12 minutes) and I burned more calories according to the machine. Yay fatties! So that just happened. I'm noticing a change in my stomach - it doesn't push out as far. I tried on a 2xl shirt yesterday, just because. And... no. Not yet. Looks like that metric will have to wait for another day.

Oh, I haven't mentioned this here, but I've got an Omron Body Fat Analyzer that I picked up a couple years ago. When I turned it on, it still had my old data saved - 29 years old, 311 pounds. Hey, now I'm only four pounds away from that! lol. Anyway, back on Aug 26 my measurements were 39.2% body fat and a bmi of 47.4. Yesterday my numbers were 36.8% body fat and a bmi of 45.4. So good news there!

I also saw a doctor earlier this week. My blood pressure is quite high apparently. He wants me to get tested a couple times a week, then see him again in a month to assess if I need to go on medication. He also wants to check for diabetes. So yeah. I may have done some terrible damage to myself. If you haven't been to a doc in a while, I'd recommend popping in for a physical. It's somewhat scary to hear that you're out of whack, but c'mon - two months ago I was somewhere around 335 pounds. Obviously I'm out of whack! So hopefully if I do have to go onto meds, I can get myself off them through exercise and diet. I'll know more next month I guess.

Looking ahead

Okay, today I'm 316.5 - I'm dangerously close to 20 pounds dropped since starting this thing just about two months ago. I'd love to be at 10 pounds lost per month. At that rate, I'll be at my goal weight in just over 1 year from now.

Or perhaps I could speed that up a bit. I don't know... 2 to 3 pounds a week will be 10-15 pounds a month. If I go 15, then I'm looking at being to total goal in roughly 8.5 months. And If I can lose 4 pounds a week (not unreasonable at my size), I'm looking at 7 months. I think. I'm bad at math. Point being, I should be good for a cheesy springtime rebirth metaphor sometime around April/May of next year.

I'm going to push hard, there's no point in dragging this out any longer than I have been. Or holding onto this weight any more.

To quote Ellis Boyd 'Red' Redding from The Shawshank Redemption, one of my favorite films, "Get busy living, or get busy dying."

An early plateau?

So apparently plateaus are common among the weight-loss community. Which is good I guess, because I've been at 319 for 5 straight days now. Oh sure, I've had quite a few beers over these last 5 days, and I had one or two bad meals, but I should be dropping weight still. And I'm not. And I'm not digging it.

Yesterday was a good shoulder day, today a good back day. I've been doing intervals on the elliptical machine the past two days, but I'm not really in love with them. I hear that they're better than the constant 'fat burning' speed to burn fat, but even at level 5 today, they weren't really killing me. At all. So tomorrow I might toss in some stationary bike to mix it up.

I hate that it's hard to get initially motivated to do the gym thing, and then once you break that barrier this plateau thing creeps up - and just when things were getting good too.

I'd like a love-life.

I'm single. I have been for awhile. It's been well over a year since I broke up with my last serious girlfriend, and I haven't done a very good job of replacing that missing piece in my life. I pretty much just ate unhealthy foods and smoked. Ugh. So one of the unspoken (or unwritten) goals I've had is to find someone to share myself with. The plan was to lose enough weight to feel good about myself again, then either put myself up on a dating site or ask friends if they know any single women or whatever. Not fully formulated, but I'm really not quite ready for that plan when I'm still 130+ pounds away from the big goal, which is to fix me.

I'm not really into New Age philosophy, but as I've gotten older I admit that I do believe certain things - I believe that you get back from the universe (or whatever spiritual power/mystic energy/other entity) what you put into it. For years I've put nothing but negativity and apathy out there, and that's what I've received, that's what I became. But in the couple months since really changing my outlook, I'm finding that good things are coming my way.

So randomly I was on Facebook and ended up chatting with an old friend from high school. Then the last two weekends I've had her up to visit. I haven't seen her in years, and I've been enjoying the reconnecting process. Turns out she's great. Smart, cute, fun, funny. And she likes to cook! We went grocery shopping and then she made me fajitas. How cool is that?

Unfortunately, she lives somewhat far from me. It's a 90 minute drive. Both she and I have had long-distance relationships in the past and neither want to do that again. In addition, she's flat-out told me that she doesn't want a boyfriend right now. And I really want to respect her wants and needs. But because of how I look, my self-esteem has me questioning if she really doesn't want a boyfriend or if she just doesn't want me as a boyfriend. I guess I'm not totally satisfied with either answer, but right now it's a waste of time to wonder, so I won't. I just wish that I could spend more time with her. I'm not in love, but I'm not afraid to fall in love, and I'd hate to miss an opportunity (especially when I feel like I'm getting a second chance at this missed opportunity from 15 years earlier). I've made the decision to choose unhappiness over happiness in the past by not following my heart and making a move across several states, and it's... it's a regret. And it's a mistake that I'd rather not make again, which means that if I have to give up a decent-paying gig and a (too?) comfortable way of life to make something work I would.

But like I said, she doesn't want a boyfriend. So I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing - going to the gym every morning, staying positive, putting out good energy and hoping for goodness in return. And in 100 pounds, I'll be asking my friends if they know any cute, single girls...

Another week done.

It's Saturday, but because of the holiday on Monday, everything slid a day back, so this morning I hit the gym to and worked my legs.

Different vibe today.

I didn't post the past couple days, so I should report that I hit a low of 317.1, but today I'm at 317.8. I think that's okay. :) After last week's big loss I was expecting a bit of a trail-off, and I was right. This week I'm down 4.6 pounds (or 5.3 if we use the 317.1). Still a great number.

I'm starting to notice small things. My shirts hang a bit lower as my stomach doesn't pooch out quite as far. Today when doing seated leg curls I could bring the bar that sits over my thighs down to a locked position (when I started my legs were too big and so I couldn't lock the bar - it just lazily sat over my legs and I lamented in silence).

Sometimes I think that I micromanage my weight/scale, but I think that for me it works. It's a daily reminder of where I am and where I'm going. When I have a bad day of eating (sausage and biscuits for lunch on Thursday Roder? Really? That's your choice?), then the next day the scale lets me know what's up. And it forces me to be ever vigilant going forward. So yeah... I'm a bit of a slave to the scale, but based on my progress so far, I'm fine with that.

Another Met Goal

319.5, which brings me out of the 320s and into the teens. That's another completed goal for me. Now I look ahead to getting out of the teens and into the... oughts? Sure. We'll go with it. I'm officially on the clock - three weeks or less to be at 309!

Not too bad

I'm up a pound this morning after the 3 day layoff, which isn't too bad. Obviously not as good as the surprise loss last Monday, but we'll take it and keep moving forward.

My wrist-wraps arrived this weekend, so today when doing shoulder shrugs I was able to focus on the weight and my form and not on the 95lb dumbbells falling out of my grip. Very cool. Last week I'd borrowed Dan's as the week prior to that I did one set without the wraps and the diamond grip-cuts in the handles of the dumbbells felt like they were digging into my hands, so I'd switched exercises.

Also, we rotated the shoulder presses out this week and rotated in upright rows. And now I'm reading that upright rows are a potential pitfall. Crap.

Anyway, I'm off to work. I'll be looking into more shoulder information today.