For the second day in a row, I'm wearing The Worst Pants Ever. When I went shopping, I first surveyed what I had in the closet. Two pair of khakis, a couple pair of cargo pants (ahem, looks like those are a no-go here), and a pair of black pants.
Sweet, I thought. I tend to wear mostly blacks and whites, with some khakis and reds in the mix, flavored to taste. So when I went shopping this past weekend, I didn't pick up any black pants.
Oops.
These things? Are total fattie pants. First off, they're too long by a good four inches. My ankles look like they're covered in leg warmers. Then, they've got pleats. Wha? I thought pleats died a terrible death years ago? How the hell did they end up on my pants? And why do they flare out so far, making my crotchal area look like it's got it's own separate spare tire? Seriously, with the belt on, I've got my stomach pooch, then the belt, then the crotch pooch. I look like the Goodyear Tire mascot. Or an asshole. Or maybe both.
The waist of these pants have to be what, a 44? I don't know. It's out of control. They're falling off me! And the belt is the same story, but it's the only belt that sort of semi-fits, and doesn't look like someone would wear it to an Iron Madien concert. The lesson here? I need new belts.
So they're too long, too loose, too pleaty and too awful.
The worst part is, as much as I do enjoy encountering signs of my weight loss like these pants or whatever, I caught a glimpse of myself in the full length mirror that's in our bathroom. I'm still so fucking big. Seriously, I've changed so much over these last 4-5 months as a person. I'd like my body to catch up.
I had once contemplated getting bariatric surgery and have my stomach tied off as a means to an end, but decided not to because 1) I wanted to do it myself and thought that the surgery was a cheap and weak method to lose the weight. Doing this via hard work builds character and changes a person in more ways than just the waistline. And 2) I feared that if I couldn't change my behavior, then I'd end up popping the band like I did my coat's button, and if you go the surgery route and eff that up, where do you go next? But I wonder if at this point it's not the worst idea. I feel like I'm now prepared to have the proper lifestyle to go with my surgery, and keep the weight off.
It just strikes me that a real man wouldn't opt for surgery. He'd work hard. Not for one or two weeks or months, but for as long as it took.
Goddamn this is taking awhile.
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Where I've Been and Where I'm Going
9 comments:
Go to one of the seminars to get all the facts. It is most certainly not an easy way out. It has so many risks involved. That is what has led me away from it. That and its effing expensive and it may not work. So I am in the same boat down 25 pounds and can not fucking tell. I still have a horrible self body image. Right now the plan is to tread water get through the holidays. Get back to doing my walk and try to be semi smart at the dinner table. Then once all the "You want a cookie" is over it will be time to be commited.
When I say easy way out, I don't include the percentage of death or complication due to the surgery. What I mean is, getting up every morning and going to the gym for an hour is hard. Turning away tempting offers of sweets and snacks is hard. Knowing when to say when when you've got a large portion of delicious Chinese food on the plate in front of you is hard. Making literally thousands of decisions as they add up day after day is hard. Deciding to throw money at a problem? That's easy.
I can't write a check to make this go away, and I'm not sure that I'd want to. I certainly didn't want to 4 months ago. But at the same time, I'm ready to move on to the next project in my life.
Only 106 more pounds to go...
I still disagree with your assesment. There is much more to it than just getting it done and not having to worry or work at those things. That surgery is not an answer or a cure. The doctors if they are not assholes will be honest and tell you that you will still have to make all those same choices. What it does is provide you with a new tool to help fight with.
The surgery does not force you to not make those choices. However if you do start making the wrong choices you will know very quickly. I certainly do not think that it is an easy way out of anything. It is something that is not really reversable and will be with you until the day you die.
The percentage of it really working is 50/50 from what I was told. It is a major life change and its not eased into its all at once. All in all I think being a fatty is the worst diesease to have. No matter what anyone considers easy or hard someone else will consider it the other way.
Oh and whether you know it or not to some people I am quite sure you are in inspiration. I also know that makes you feel good to hear. Keep going.
I don't doubt that you know what you're talking about. But let's be honest - you know because you investigated. And you investigated because you'd hoped that it was the easy way out. I don't mean that as a put-down, just reiterating something you'd posted on your own blog about your choices. And that's sort of kind of where I am. Or not. I don't know. It's kind of a thought-stream when I write these posts. Wasn't I talking about pleats? How the shit did I get to gastric bypass? lol!
Its not a put down its the truth. I think most of us in this boat have considered it as an answer. What I have found out its not an answer for me. Once I really did some digging it is not something I want to go through.
As far as your pants story goes I was laughing out loud on that.
"Seriously, I've changed so much over these last 4-5 months as a person. I'd like my body to catch up."
It will, it will. But it does take longer than you want it to. No doubt. Just keep at it. Physical progress shows up slowly but one day you will just look at yourself and be wowed by the changes and the hard work you put in to get there instead of taking the easy road.
Once you get some better pants, your perception of yourself will probably change drastically. Even now, if I wear a bad outfit, it can make me want to throw in the towel. It seriously makes me want to run to McDonald's in an attempt to drown out my depression of being huge (even though I'm seriously not huge).
Anyways, think how far you've come. Every little bit from here on out shows a lot more. I lost over 40 pounds before anybody really said anything to me. I now get tons of comments if I even lose about 5 lbs.
Roder thanks for the comment you left.
I have to admit I still like pleats. Very proud of your progres. I hope to join you in the 200's by early next year.
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