Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I think I've lost my fastball

I used to be funny. And by used to, I mean, like just a couple months ago. My humor tended to be mean. Nasty. Vicious. I'd tear other people down fast. I'd be self-deprecating, quicker to attack myself lest someone else do it for me. And by attacking me, I'd be able to keep focus on things I could deal with, without allowing someone else to find and expose my real vulnerable areas.

Now, much like with 3x shirts, I feel like I'm in this bizarre no-man's land when it comes to being funny. I don't dislike myself as much as I once did. As a result, I'm not as quick to pull the trigger on an attack. And I'm much more positive, which keeps me from really attacking and making fun of others. I mean, I still do it, but not with the vim and vigor I once had.

Problem is, I haven't really replaced it with any other kind of humor. So while I appreciate and laugh at funny things, no longer am I funny. And that really sucks! Now I'm just a fat guy, sans the jolly.

I want my funny back. I need my funny back. But at the same time, I don't want to be the mean, nasty vicious person that I was. I don't know. I'm just rambling this morning.

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