Fat Guy Contingent

I briefly mentioned the Fat Guy Contingent, or FGC, in a post I wrote back in August. While the post itself was really about pictures, or lack thereof, I wanted to bring back the concept of the FGC.

It's a silly little name for ourselves, because we were the biggest kids in that particular circle of friends. I can't speak for the three other members, but I believe that the name united us and made us feel okay about ourselves. We were with people who looked like us, and that made it alright, you know? But at the same time, I think all four of us realized that while we liked the idea of feeling alright about ourselves, we knew that in the big picture we were unhappy with ourselves and needed to change. That's why the first (and to my knowledge only) rule of FGC is to get the hell out of FGC! None of the four of us knew exactly what getting out entailed, though we were pretty sure that not eating Chinese food and doing some exercise seemed like the first couple steps.

I've thought about it recently. I've been working hard, both on the diet and on the exercise front. I'm still consistently going to the gym every morning (my upper back is so sore from yesterday's t-bar rows!) and I'm drinking lots of water to keep myself full all day long. But is it enough to be out of the FGC? What do I need to do to accomplish Rule #1 of the club? When will I know that I've done enough to leave?

Turns out, the answer is... today.

I'm at a new low of 278.1 this morning. I'm buying clothes off the rack at normal stores and not shopping at Big and Tall stores. I'm wearing size 36 jeans right now. And the big one, the one that just happened... My BMI has passed from 40 to 39.9. Now I know, it's just about the same thing, and if I were in grade school I'd just be rounding up. --BUT!-- Little details are important! A BMI of 40 results in a naming convention of Morbidly Obese. A BMI of 39.9 results in Class II Obesity. Look, I'm still a total fattie. I know it. I understand that a weigh-in of 278 is very, very high. I recognize that physically I'm not too appealing to women. I realize that I still have a long, long way to go to reach my overall goal.

But I'm getting there. Class I Obesity, here I come! ;)

Anyway, thanks FGC for giving me a place where I felt like I belonged when I was down, but we all know what Rule #1 is. So today's my day. I'm officially out of the Fat Guy Contingent, and now I'm just another fat guy. I can't wait for you guys to come join me. :)

Xmas wrap-up

So can I quit writing about Christmas please? Last one, promise.

I'd asked my mom to get me some pants and shirts for Christmas this year. Specifically, size 36" jeans and some 2xl shirts. I wanted to shrink into them. Then I went and bought some 36s on my own and kind of blew up the whole deal for myself. Or did I?

When I unwrapped my stuff on Xmas, there were two pair of jeans, and a couple shirts. The jeans were a 36 and a 38 respectively ("so you have one for now and one for later!" she informed me), and the shirts were 2xl. Hmm. So I went into the bedroom and tried on the 36 jeans. I stepped into them and felt the constriction around my thigh. Uh-oh. I got them up over my butt and felt them cup my bum a bit too much. Crap. I grabbed the button and the hole and pulled them together - it buttoned. And then I let out my breath. Crap! Same brand, same size, different cut, bunk results. Looks like I've got me some work to do yet.

I took the pants off and went out into the living room again. "Mom, do you have the receipt?" I asked. "I'd like to return the 38s. Get a second pair of 36s."

Later I then put on one of the shirts, just for shits and giggles. It was a 2xl, a plaid in red, black and khaki. She buttoned up! No kidding. I was beyond thrilled.

The next day we went to the store where she got the jeans and shirt. I exchanged the jeans for a second pair of 36s, then for fun I added another button-down 2x and two 2x t-shirts. This was the first time I'd gone into a clothing store and bought stuff off the rack. Even though I'm still at the far edge of acceptable with my 2xls, I'm finally starting to get some awesome non-scale victories. I don't have to shop at Casual Male XL anymore! And even though I'm so glad that I don't have to, I do just want to say, I was so so so happy that they were there for me when I needed them. It was my one bright spot when I started to get really depressed and began packing on the pounds. Losing the ability to shop in normal stores was really hard, and only contributed to my plight. But that's all over now, and I couldn't be happier!

So, I'm back. I've got the gym early in the morning. It's Back Day, which means deadlifts. Yay! I'm so fired up to get these two pair of jeans fitting me well. I'm so excited for getting out of the 2xls and into the xls! I'm so ready to get back to being me. I think that 2009 will be a very good year for me. I hope you're ready to make it a good year for you too.

Almost back to normal

Christmas was fun - good to see the folks again.

I was able to hit my mom's gym twice while down in TX, and while I didn't get in the best workout either time, I still got my 20 minutes of cardio coupled with some weight lifting done. Turns out that though her gym is 3 or 4 times the size of mine, the free-weights aren't readily available. They're in these little workout rooms. I don't know if you have to be in a class to use them or what, but neither of us had the details and I was short on time so I just used the nautilis machines. It was fine.

I'm really looking forward to next week already - I just want a full week of normalcy. I don't *need* routine like a little kid or anything, but when I'm trying to focus on my weight loss goals, the lack of distraction makes things much easier.

Anyway, sorry about the crappy post here - I'm pressed for time as I'm about to dash into a meeting at work. I'll expand on things later. For now, I'm at 280.4 this morning. So getting to 275 by Wednesday looks to be unlikely at best. I'd still like to focus on it and get it done by next Friday though, so that's the currently re-estimated goal.

I'll be home for Xmas

Well, not home exactly per se, but I'll be with my parents and that's home enough - I see them all of one time a year.

I don't have any clue as to my computer access there - I mean, they both have computers I think, and my dad's a regular blogger himself, but who knows what I have access to - or time for.

BUT!

I will be good. Actually, that's not even accurate anymore. Because it's not a question of good or bad behavior with regards to food. I've changed. It took awhile, but I have. So I misspoke when I said I'd be good. What I mean to say is, I'll be true to myself. Enjoy, not indulge. My life's pleasures no longer come on a plate. What a great Christmas gift I've received!

279.7 (I seem to be treading water - probably because my schedule's been out of whack for a week now - I enjoy Xmas, but I'm *really* excited for things to return to a sense of normalcy).

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

So one thing about me - I'm slow to get into the "holiday spirit", whatever that may be. I tend to enjoy complaining about how every year Christmas seems to come earlier (I saw Xmas decorations in some stores before Halloween!), but when I finally give in, I'm totally down like a browntown clown.

I'm officially now down for Christmas.

I leave for the airport tomorrow directly after work, and get to Mom and Dad's late on Christmas Eve. They called last night and wanted to know if I wanted to help trim the tree - nope! I want to walk into the house and see that thing all aglow with the multi-colored lights my dad insists on using (I'm an all-white light man myself). I want to see all the ornaments that my mom has stitched (she's a fan of needlepoint and every years stitches a new ornament for the tree - it's her goal to have every ornament on her tree handmade by herself one year). I want to wrap presents. I'm ready to listen to Christmas music. I'm excited!

279.6

This is getting kinda old...

Today for the third time in two weeks my workout partner and I ran into issues getting to the gym on time. The snow and ice is wreaking havoc on our and others' cars, and it's taking forever to get where I need to go.

That means that I again missed cardio and only did weights. Bah! It's hard to get the motor revved up without my daily cardio boost!

Rumor has it that tonight snow starts falling again after midnight. I'm all for a white Christmas, but enough is enough. Let a guy get to the gym please.

281.3

Quick Post

I'm not usually one to post on Sundays, but I had a weird little experience today. I was out shopping for Christmas gifts and ran into three people that I knew, but didn't know that well. Acquaintances I guess. All three of them had some variation on, "wow, I almost didn't recognize you - you've lost weight!" I smile, say thank you and that I've lost a little bit and then move on.

People that knew/have known that I'm losing weight have commented on little changes since the end of July. I noticed real changes somewhere around 30 pounds, when my face started to come back in. Now, finally, at 55 pounds lost, other people are noticing. I guess it's just harder when you're that big - I could lose 10, 15, 20 pounds, but because I was *so* huge, it really didn't make that big of an overall impact. I needed to lose 55 pounds, or 16.4% of my starting weight, to get enough of a physical change that others can tell.

So if you're just starting out, don't worry if people aren't noticing right away. Put in the work. Because if you do that, if you really work hard, the weight will come off. And people will notice.

I'm so surprised that I went out to buy Christmas gifts and ended up receiving three wonderful ones too!

End of the week

Oof - Friday night and I'm just posting now. You lead a more exciting life than I do. Trust me. ;)

Well, the remainder of this week wasn't as good as the start. Wednesday at work I was stuck in an "all day" meeting, which ran from 9am until 3pm, after which I was in another meeting from 3 to 4:45, then a third meeting from 4:45 until 5:Something. Ugg! I *hate* meetings. I'm a producer, a do-er - I'm not a meeter. So frustrating. The other negative thing about that was that we had lunch catered in as we were in the long meeting. They brought... Chinese. My weakness! I tried to be good - one eggroll, a small serving of white rice, a small serving of Sesame chicken... but the elliptical doesn't lie - I didn't sweat as much as I wanted to Thursday morning. And the scale reflected an uptick. Damn.

Thursday wasn't much better - after work I met up with some friends downtown for dinner, drinks and a holiday parade. Four beers and one appetizer of 4 small burgers later, and I knew I'd botched it.

Today I did better, but was invited to happy hour by some of the people at my current workplace. I couldn't say no - it was my first invite since joining there a month ago! Again, four beers. I grabbed Subway on the way home, along with two waters.

I'm not really that mad at myself; I'm just fine. But I also recognize that hitting 275 by Jan 1 is really *really* on the outside edge right now. I'm not sure how I feel about that - on the one hand, I'd like to make that goal. I'd feel good for reaching the goal and I'd be at 60 pounds down. On the other hand, I know that it'll be waiting for me by the 7th of January if I botch it. I'm just not quite feeling the big drive to work my arse off right at this exact moment. I will again, but I just feel like I'm going to enjoy seeing my family and won't make a huge deal about things.

I'll be fine.

280.3

A little at a time

I want to talk about goals for a minute.

Successful people have goals. Successful people know where they want to be. But the real secret of successful people in reaching those goals? Isn't in setting them. It's in deciding how to get there.

There's a phrase that I like, which sums up very well the idea about how goal-setting works: Plan the Work, then Work the Plan.

If you look up at the top of my blog, you'll see a weight loss ticker with a scale slowly trekking from 0 to 150. See, I set a goal of losing 150 pounds for myself, and the ticker is one way that I track my progress towards that goal.

But seriously stopping and thinking about 150 pounds doesn't help me as I work towards meeting that goal. It's too big. It's a ridiculously high number! Logically, I know it'll take around 18 months of hard work to get myself there. Eighteen months! Holy shit, that's a long time! So I don't think about 150 pounds, and I don't think about a year and a half. I think about five pounds. Five measley little pounds. Shit, five pounds? Five pounds is easy. And I *always* think about my weight in five pound increments. The couple times I haven't, it's shown on the scale. I lose focus. I lose my way.

I a way, I'm lucky I guess. I started at 335 pounds. That means that every time I lose five pounds, I'm really completing one of two slightly larger goals. One of them is to get into a new "weight decade". I lose 5 pounds (and technically 0.1 more), and I'm out of the 330s and into the 320s. A whole new weight decade to think about! And then I let that thought fall out of my pretty little head and I instead focus again on 5 pounds. Five itty bitty pounds. And once I knock those next five off, I'm at 325 - and my next bigger goal is met - I've lost a nice round number of 10 pounds! Wow! Easy! And then I just focus on the next five pounds and look, we're back to another new weight decade! lol. And pretty soon, the decades keep going down and the total lost keeps going up. And today I'm looking at the number at the top. I don't have to lose 150 pounds any more; I only have to lose 94.5 pounds. Shit, that's not even triple digits! Holy shit - it's NOT triple digits! See? I hadn't even thought of it like that before right now. Because 150 wasn't digestible as a number. It's just too big. But five pounds is totally digestible. And the beauty of five pounds is, if I'm working at it, it takes two weeks to drop. Three if things are going way wrong, but I've also done it in only one. So I'm getting constant positive reinforcement for my efforts. And every now and then (like yesterday) I remember to look into some bigger things, like new pants. It'd been two months since I'd last thought about new pants until yesterday. Because they weren't my daily focus. Five pounds. That's it. That's how I look at it.

I eat for fuel. I don't eat after 7pm. I drink only water (or try to). I do 20 minutes on the elliptical 5 days a week. I weight-train a different body part 5 days a week for 30 minutes. I focus on losing five pounds. That's what I do. I've planned my work, now I work my plan.

Sure, from time to time I botch it. I eat poorly. I have froofy coffees. I gain weight. But I don't beat myself up anymore over it. I'm experienced enough to know that I'll go take care of it. That those days are now the odd day.

So when you think about where you want to be, write it down. Then write down how you plan to get there. Then write down what you're going to do today. And tomorrow. And how you're going to lose five pounds. Then go lose the five. Then do it again. And then? After you've had some success losing the five pounds? Take a look at the big goal again. You may find it's not so ridiculous anymore.

279.5

Closet Pants IV

Much like Hollywood, I seem to be churning out inferior sequels to an exciting original post. Eh, what are you going to do, nobody's paying me to be original. :)

So today I'm leaving work. It's snowing out. I've lived my whole life in the great state of Minnesota, and yet I don't have a snow brush/ice scraper for my car. Idiot. Moreover, I decide to just fire up the car and go, instead of waiting for it to warm up, for the front/rear defrosters to kick in. It was fine at first, but as the defroster started I was suddenly greeted by a thick fog on my windshield. It was further compounded by the blowing snow off my hood which hit the windshield and amped up the fogging. And I'm doing 25 with my window rolled down and my head sticking out of it, so I don't bury my car into someone's side panels. That's when I get the bright idea - let's jump on the highway and try to not die and go buy some new Closet Pants!!! :D

I haven't had an official pair of too-big Closet Pants since I last got some Lucky 38s, I'd run out of "skinny" (lol!) pants. I guess I just haven't had that feeling of going for something like that in awhile.

So I fought the weather and got to the store, and once inside went to the rack. I grabbed another pair of Luckys, this time a 36 Regular. Just for fun, I bought myself a 2x button-up as well. It's been awhile and I don't seem to have any nice button-ups in a 2x in the closet.

I just got home and put down the bag. I pulled out the pants. Lots of apprehension here. Thoughts just racing in my mind. I know that as I continue to lose, each next pair of Closet Pants will become harder and harder to fit into. The distance and work to go from 46 to 44? Easy. A couple weeks of real work and eating right. By the time I'm trying to get into 38s, it had become a real grind. I remember putting on those 38s for the first time - no dice. They didn't get worn for two weeks afterward. But man did they motivate me. I *had* to get into a thirty-something waist. I just *had* to, you know? And so it was with today's 36s. It had been two months since getting into a lower waist. How long would the 36s take?

I plucked the tags off the jeans, peeled the sticker with the big 36 REGULAR off the leg, turned and headed for the bathroom and its mirror. I put my right leg through the leg of the jean. Surprisingly, I didn't get any resistance. No tightness around the thigh. I put my left leg through. Again, No problem. I pulled them up over my butt, grabbed the button with my right hand, the button hole with my left and got ready to hold my breath.

They buttoned.

No fighting. No big suck-in. No problems. I honestly thought that there was something wrong. I pulled at the waistband, wondering if they were some sort of stretchy something or another. Nope. I looked at myself in the mirror. Sure, the stomach still hung over the waistband (that'll take a while to lose), but the pants were fine. Better than fine in fact. It's weird - I've had so much extra room in the hamstrings and thighs and crotch of my recent pairs of pants, I've forgotten how pants are supposed to fit. Don't get me wrong, I'm still 281 pounds of hugeness, but my god, these things don't look like I could billow out the extra fabric and glide from treetop to treetop like some flying squirrel. They look... normal. Kind of. They improve the way I look. They've reduced my silhouette.

I tried on the 2x shirt too, just for fun. It buttoned up. When I *totally* relaxed you could still clearly see the outline of my gut, and when tucked into the jeans I looked as though my torso was made of thick, heavy marshmallows, but seriously - I'm like two weeks away from having that shirt be a viable option. No kidding.

I still had a 3x shirt in the closet that didn't fit when I bought it. It's not American, so it's cut isn't as generous as the stuff Casual Male XL sells apparently (their stuff seems to be cut so huge - I think that their 3x is like a "normal" 4x). It fit. It effing fit! Again, when tucked into these 36 jeans the button-up looked a bit ridiculous, but I'll be damned if I can't wear it on casual Fridays where tucking in isn't mandatory.

I guess it's time to go buy a pair of 34s and get ready for Closet Pants V!

Tuesday

Not too sure what to write today. I seem to be in a bit of a funk. It's cold outside and I don't much care to think about venturing out there. Of course I did this morning, but working out is pretty much mandatory these days. Point is though, I just want to stay inside and eat something warm and get under a blanket.

Not much else is going on. No big revelations. No major changes at work. Nothing going on with the family. Blah. I guess I'm anticipating the holiday? Doubt it. I did read in the paper this morning that Best Buy is offering buyouts to 4000 employees. My boss's husband was laid off yesterday. I'm getting a bit nervous about work, my place there and how concrete of a position I have. We received a note last week letting us know that in an effort to stave off layoffs, there are no raises for anyone for 2009. On the one hand, it's good that they're making efforts to avoid layoffs, on the other it's rough to think that depending on how long the economic slide is going to be until things settle, there will be layoffs at some point. I just hope that if it's me, I land on my feet quickly. Ugh.

281.8

Good Weekend

Well, I was able to put together a good weekend of eating, and the results are showing on the scale this morning. I'm thrilled about that. I'm not thrilled that the weather/snow here made traffic bad this morning, to the point of delaying me getting to the gym by 30 minutes. So no cardio today, only weights. That? Isn't getting it done to the best that I want. I didn't get a big sweat going. I didn't start my day off as right as I'd like. But I still did my shoulder lifts and got a small sweat going.

One and a half weeks until Christmas and all the travel, stress and bad eating that goes with it. Just remember everyone, it's a holiDAY, not a holiWEEK. Be good.

282.3

Well neat

Not much of an update today, except to say that I woke up today, stepped onto the scale, and I'm at 284.1. So a nice little drop to kick off the weekend. Totally unexpected (especially as I was noshing on some chips/salsa last night and expected the high sodium to keep my water retained), but absolutely welcome. :)

284.1

If you could, please spare a prayer

I'm going to take some time out from blogging about weight loss as I just received this letter from a friend of mine:

***

Hello everyone,

Just wanted to give you an update. I just got off the phone with Jen and kinda good news/bad news. Its officially breast cancer and it has so far spread to at least one lymph node. The tumor in her chest is size of a walnut and the lymph is size of pea. There could be more in the nodes, but they are small enough to not be felt. She is undergoing CAT scan on Tuesday to make sure it hasn't spread any further.

Now for the good news. Its a non-aggressive form of cancer. So if you are going to have cancer, best kind to have.

They are going to be starting chemo asap and then following with radiation. Surgery is last resort if the chemo/radiation doesn't take care of it all. She's looking at a rough 8 months. But she sounded relieved to at least know its treatable and she's sounds pretty optimistic. She's drained though for obvious reasons.

I am so glad that we are going out there - interesting thing about timing sometimes huh?

Just want to thank you for your prayers and ask if you could to continue them. If you have any prayer warriors in your circle of friends, I know she would greatly appreciate all the assistance!

***

Please, if you've got some time, Jen could use positive thoughts, prayers and wishes. She's in for the fight of her life. Thank you.

Weird Week

My apologies for the alliteration, but what a weird week, weight-wise. This morning I'm back at 284.7, which is where I was on Tuesday, before the bizarre uptick in my weight mid-week. The thing is, yesterday I wasn't on my most best behavior. I mean, I did my water, my lean chicken and salad and apple for lunch, but then had a 12" meatball sub and then a Mountain Dew and a candybar in the evening. Whaa? And yet I went down in weight! But the day prior when I was dang near perfect, I'd held steady. I don't know if it takes two days to register good behavior on the scale, but when I blow up, eat Chinese and lose my mind, the scale registers the bad behavior immediately!

Always observing, always learning.

Yesterday I skipped my froofy coffee. I skipped it this morning too. I think I'd like to be done with them. So I guess I will be. For awhile anyway. I don't need 6-7 of those guys a week. Too much espresso!

Oh, almost forgot - I woke up last night, for the second time this week, with a terrible cramping in my right calf. I've been stretching, I've been drinking water... I've had calf cramping issues for years now. Typically I am woken up once every three months or so with them. Terrible. I awake, crying out in pain. I try to pull the leg up close to me and massage the calf a bit, but moving it is so difficult. Once about 60 second have passed I can begin to slowly stretch it again, but man does it hurt!

I was concerned as Friday is leg day at the gym. I still did my squats, but typically I then alternate between leg extensions or leg curls, and then do step-ups for the third exercise. Today I tossed out the step-ups and did both leg extensions and curls, and avoided putting the calf under duress. I'm still feeling my calf as I sit this morning.Ugg.

284.7

Christmas Shopping

Another day, another no drop on the scale. And I was good yesterday! I tracked my calories and didn't overindulge! I went to the gym! Bah. Bodies are just funny that way I guess. It's kind of sweet to micromanage me when I'm losing on the daily, but when I gain or like today I have no change? Weaksauce.

Last night I got almost all my Xmas shopping done. Yay! I love giving gifts to people, so I really like shopping for others, thinking about them, what they might want. It's fun. Strangely, I *hate* receiving gifts. I always have these weird reactions. Maybe I didn't always, but at some point I guess I did, then I became self-conscience about it and now I just hate getting stuff. I feel like a weirdo when I open the package. Am I alone with this? Is this common? I've never discussed it with anyone, so I don't know if this is just one of my many idiosyncratic characteristics or if it's more common than I'm aware.

I was up late because of the shopping and doing a bit of freelance work on the side, so I fell asleep hard at 11. Getting up on time was quite the chore this morning, but I made it into the gym and got a good arm day done. I was on the elliptical machine and felt something weird in my right knee at around the 15-minute mark. Don't know what it was, but after I got off the machine I had a slight limp. Thankfully it went away in the next 10 minutes or so. Then we were doing some standing curls and we used a machine to do them. We used the straight-bar attachment that we normally use for reverse curls, and I found that it was a bad call. The straight bar forced me to over-rotate my wrists - turns out there's a reason that standard curl bars have the 45° kinks in them. So by the third set, my wrists felt strained. Next time? Curl bar attachment.

I think that's it for today - be well. :)

285.0

Daily Vigilance

One of the things that goes with writing this blog daily is being accountable. To myself. Sometimes when I have an off day scale-wise, I'm tempted to not post. Such is my situation today. However! It is days like today that I realize I need to post the most. I need to be honest with myself (and honest with all six of you who read this - thanks!).

The thing is, it's not really bad. I'm only up three-tenths of a pound today. It's nothing. For all I know, it's a full bladder or a stool on the way.

But I know it's not.

Yesterday I had a Mountain Dew on my way to work. 210. Then for lunch I skipped the salad and got a sandwich. Only 100 calories more than the salad, but fewer vegetables. 620. And then I got an apple for 80, and *then*... I was feeling like a little something sweet, as if the apple isn't sweet enough. I poked my head into the bakery and found a pastery with some blueberry danish thing. I'm guessing in the neighborhood of 400. Then a small fruity coffee for 450. That's 1760 and I'm not even home yet! For dinner I did a 12" Club from Subway (640, though with cheese and mayo I'm thinking somewhere around 900-1000). Then I got two waters, and a bag of Doritos - 280.

So... 2940 calories yesterday. I believe that my basal metabolic rate is about 2500. So I created a caloric deficit of... plus 440. Lol! I did my workout, which should be around 400 calories burned, but still... I waaaay overindulged.

Today I've had a Mountain Dew (210), an apple (80) some terrible sushi (300) and a coffee (450). That's 1040 so far today. I've also had 24 ounces of water. Tonight I'll have a sandwich and water. I should be right around 2k for the day, and with the 400 calories burned this morning I should be in a good place tomorrow.

Daily vigilance people! I hate that I'm a scale slut, but at the same time when I see an uptick it serves as a nice early-warning sign that I'm not paying as much attention as I need to be. And in retracing yesterday's steps, I see where I bonked. I'm not beating myself up over it, but I'm aware of what's going on so now I'm able to course-correct before things get too terribly out of whack.

285.0

Momentum

I had a small loss on the scale this morning: two-tenths of a pound. Yet small as that may seem, it's positive movement, and takes me down to a new low. Weight loss, like many things, is all about building up some momentum. Getting up every morning. Hitting the gym. Working out hard. Eating well. Drinking water. Getting enough sleep. You need to start getting a couple of those pieces to the overall puzzle working for you. You need to string together a couple small victories. Build that momentum up. Once it starts rolling, it's hard to stop.

284.7

Acupuncture

Saturday I had a visit to a Chinese medical specialist, which is apparently code for someone who believes in the power of positive energy, needles and herbs. :) Anyway, he and I talked for a bit, then I went into one of the treatment rooms where he proceeded to put about 12 needles in various parts of my body. Then he turned a warming lamp onto my stomach to "get the energy flowing", and let me experience a "journey of contemplation" for the next 30 minutes, while relaxing music played in the background.

I'm a guy. I like to eat meat and drink beer and watch sports. But man did I enjoy my time! I let my mind wander, intent to focus on nothing at all. Mentally I hopped from one idea to another to another, while feeling my body seemingly sink into the table as I lay there. Thirty minutes came too soon, and I was up and out quickly.

Afterward the doc (and old friend) and I went to get some Thai food, and had wonderful, grown-up conversations about the minutia of life. We were having so good a time that after lunch we kept going for awhile longer. Once we finally said our goodbyes, I headed over to the hobby store where I used to spend lots of time. I very quickly got sad there, because it seems to represent an old version of me that I'm trying to shed. I like all the guys there, and I like the hobby too, but I just can't sit there and make fun of people and eat terrible food for hours on end like I once could. So I split. Good god - I used to spend upwards of 20 hours a week there, and now it's work just to score 2 hours. I don't know... I'm just enjoying going to other places, meeting other people, trying new things. Rediscovering life. Who I was before I let it go. Who I want to be again.

It was a good weekend. :)

Fifty.

Believe it.

284.9

I have jowls.

Two quick facts: I have jowls. They're not sweet. And don't tell me that the second of these two facts is actually an opinion - because jowls *aren't* sweet. I asked everybody. They all agree.

I used to wear a little chin-beard-goatee-thing. I grew it in college, originally to signify that I was cool. I think. I'm pretty sure goatees were cool back in '96, and certainly the fact that I could grow facial hair was in itself cool. When I started getting bigger, I realized that I kind of needed the chin beard. Not because it was sweet - it's level of sweetsauce was debatable at that point - no, because in photos, the goatee helped to disguise the second chin I'd developed. It's something I didn't think about in a 3d world, but when rendered in only two dimensions, flaws like the extra chin became very apparent! So by wearing the goatee, I kept my chin/neck hidden in photos, and you couldn't see that obvious sign of obesity as much. Every little thing, right fellow fatties? lol.

Anyway, with the new job I've decided to keep it clean. I now shave everyday, and I shave the whole face. And I've noticed that I have jowls. Puffiness along my jawline. It's very noticable because the puffiness tightens up right as the skin gets to my chin - running my thumb along the jawline confirms the swollen jowls. I guess I didn't notice it because my goatee grew over the part where the puffiness tightens up.

I can't *wait* to get these things out of my life. Assuming that they will go away, and not just become loose skin on my face or something.

Good god I did some damage to me over these last few years.

Please, if you read this blog - take care of yourself. You don't want to end up regretting your apathy in a few years' time. Now all I want is to fix me, only I'm aware that there are some things that may *never* be back to proper. I'm not yet at acceptance over these things, so I'm going to keep working hard in the hopes that I can fix it, but if you haven't yet come to the point where you have jowls, or stretch marks from becoming fat very quickly, or skin tags or anything else... don't. Just take care of yourself. Trust me on this one. Please. :)

285.6

Wednesday

Today I stepped on the scale and it read 287.0. That's a 0.7lb loss for the second straight day! Yesterday at lunch I had cafeteria food - I got the "healthy mix" that they offer. I think it was called... rangut? Maybe? Don't know. It had some meat, some cabbage, some carrots... it was fine. I also had a breadstick, a banana, and original flavored Sun Chips. Probably could have done without the chips, but whatever. For the most part these days (with the exception of weekends) I'm eating for fuel, not for pleasure. So steel oats, rangut, salads... I don't care what it is from a "is it yummy?" perspective. I just want to keep losing, because there's no hamburger or slice of pizza in the world that can make me feel better than a lower number on the scale can.

What else? Not too sure... I had a decent chest day today. It's time to go up on the bench press. For whatever reason, my chest and biceps have always been my two weakest muscles to train, while my legs and shoulders are consistently rockstars. I'm sure everyone has a different makeup when it comes to that, and which body parts train up better than others. I guess I wish that the two big 'showoff' muscles weren't my two tough spots, but whattaya do? Focus on the exercises and push/pull hard, don't slack. That's what you do. So that's what I did today. And my chest still feels a little trembly from the exercises 90 minutes ago. Sweet!

287.0

Good Morning!

I'm a bit tired this morning, but overall I feel great! I'm down again today on the scale, so I'm looking forward to a great week and a great month here.

I'll try to post more later, but today promises to be a busy one so if I can't get back until I get home, so be it.

287.7

I missed the gym!

A couple discoveries this morning. One, after missing four straight days in the weight room, I felt as though I'd been hit by a truck trying to get through the shoulder presses this morning, and those were just the first of three weight lifting exercises!

I really missed my workouts and I felt it, that's for certain. So my first pledge for December will be that come Christmas, I'll be sure to hit the gym. I'll be in Austin, TX, where my folks live, but my mom's got a membership to some fitness center there, so even if I just end up walking or doing the stationary bike or whatever, I'll still be at the gym. It's just too important to miss, both for my physical progress, and my mental health. So that's that.

In good news, I was up absolutely no weight over these past four days. I'd been lamenting that last week when I got to 288.4 that I saw a great week in sight, and that I'd be torpedoing it over Thanksgiving. However, when the day came I had only exactly the food that I set out to have. I had no second helpings of anything, and when my friend left, I sent *all* the leftovers home with him. No reason to risk any temptation there.

So that means that I'm poised to have a great week on the scale this week. I'm hoping to get 13.4 pounds off, which would put me at 275 for the new year. That would be sweet! Christmas and having no control over what I'm eating will make things a bit more difficult, but I've got to do what I've got to do.

288.4