This weekend my apartment building did its annual switchover from the central AC to central heat. Makes sense - we are talking about mid-October in Minnesota. However, this weekend was unusually warm, and quite humid as well. Fact of the matter is, as I'm sitting here typing, I'm sweating. Blech. See, I'm on the third floor of this big complex, and that means that all the old biddies below me crank their heat to tropical levels. That stuff rises and this guy gets cooked. During the summer my electricity bill is around $70 from the constant AC usage. In the winter? $20. I don't ever turn my heat on - I open the balcony door and try to cool down. So right now? I didn't sleep for shit. Pretty miserable. But it's supposed to cool down this week, so I'm holding out hope that things get back to okay pretty quickly.
In weight-related news, I'm up my traditional 3 pounds after a weekend of contributing nothing to the good of my world. Fantastic! ;) I did soak my shirt at the gym, so hopefully I shed it by tomorrow, as per usual. But that does mean that I officially have not broken that 300lb barrier just yet.
This morning I've got my doctor's appointment. A full physical. It's my understanding that there will be probing fingers in my anus. I kinda wishing that right now I had a female doctor, if only for the smaller diameter of her digits. Good lord I'm not looking forward to this. And I'm really hoping that diabetes isn't in my immediate future. Bah. I guess I'm feeling a bit nervous.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Not there yet.
Not my weight. Well, maybe not. I don't know. Honestly, I'm not going to weigh in today.
Earlier this week I was reading a couple other blogs that are out there. Lyn, over at Escape from Obesity (link to the right) is a very interesting read. She's so open and honest about her struggles with obsession and weight loss and food addiction. Reading her blog is like going back and reading some of my earlier posts - they seem to be more about the emotional/mental component than they do the physical weight loss diet/exercise stuff I've been writing about lately. Then I read a post from John at John is Fit, who's recent post was called A Weight Loss Blog About Nothing, wherein he describes not really having anything of value to post, but posting anyway just to stay honest.
I feel like John a bit - I've become a bit of a broken record, especially in terms of gain a bit on the weekend, having it gone by Tuesday, lose a few more pounds, keep moving forward. That's really been it. And it's been a great broken record - don't get me wrong. I'm really happy with my progress so far. I've got a doctor's appointment on Monday morning, and since last month when I saw him I'm down 20 pounds. So this is excellent! But - somewhere along the way I forgot that the physical exercise/diet is only part of the equation.
I forgot about the mental/emotional part.
Last night I made a mistake. A huge blunder. Sometimes my mind makes these bizarre connections between events, filling in things that aren't there. And last night was one of those times. I'm not going to go into it now, but suffice to say I felt/still feel like a total asshole. I let my friend down, but more importantly I let myself down.
I have another friend who thinks we all stand to benefit from therapy. Being that she's a psychologist I'm inclined to believe that she may be experiencing a systemic bias, but even if that's true it doesn't mean she's wrong. I don't know... I'm just feeling like I totally set myself back, when I'd been thinking that I'd made such big strides. I'm impulsive and reckless and foolish, and when I turn that on myself I can become quite self-destructive; but when I errantly turn it on someone else?
All I can say is I'm sorry.
So no weigh in; there are other things to focus on improving today.
Earlier this week I was reading a couple other blogs that are out there. Lyn, over at Escape from Obesity (link to the right) is a very interesting read. She's so open and honest about her struggles with obsession and weight loss and food addiction. Reading her blog is like going back and reading some of my earlier posts - they seem to be more about the emotional/mental component than they do the physical weight loss diet/exercise stuff I've been writing about lately. Then I read a post from John at John is Fit, who's recent post was called A Weight Loss Blog About Nothing, wherein he describes not really having anything of value to post, but posting anyway just to stay honest.
I feel like John a bit - I've become a bit of a broken record, especially in terms of gain a bit on the weekend, having it gone by Tuesday, lose a few more pounds, keep moving forward. That's really been it. And it's been a great broken record - don't get me wrong. I'm really happy with my progress so far. I've got a doctor's appointment on Monday morning, and since last month when I saw him I'm down 20 pounds. So this is excellent! But - somewhere along the way I forgot that the physical exercise/diet is only part of the equation.
I forgot about the mental/emotional part.
Last night I made a mistake. A huge blunder. Sometimes my mind makes these bizarre connections between events, filling in things that aren't there. And last night was one of those times. I'm not going to go into it now, but suffice to say I felt/still feel like a total asshole. I let my friend down, but more importantly I let myself down.
I have another friend who thinks we all stand to benefit from therapy. Being that she's a psychologist I'm inclined to believe that she may be experiencing a systemic bias, but even if that's true it doesn't mean she's wrong. I don't know... I'm just feeling like I totally set myself back, when I'd been thinking that I'd made such big strides. I'm impulsive and reckless and foolish, and when I turn that on myself I can become quite self-destructive; but when I errantly turn it on someone else?
All I can say is I'm sorry.
So no weigh in; there are other things to focus on improving today.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Ain't it always the way?
I was really hoping to hit 300 today. But secretly? I was hoping to hit 299. I've been having such a big week in terms of losses that I kind of hoped too hard perhaps. You know, it was like this when I got to 30 pounds too - I thought I was there, I was ready for it, then -BAM- I'd gone up a tick and missed it.
So I'm not at 299 yet. And seeing as how today I did arms (doesn't make me sweat nearly as hard as back day), I'm not convinced that I'll see 299 tomorrow. Especially when one factors in the fact that I've got a group lunch today and will probably end up with a chimichanga or a cheeseburger or something else equally stupid. C'mon me, don't be stupid!
Anyway, that's that. 300.8
So I'm not at 299 yet. And seeing as how today I did arms (doesn't make me sweat nearly as hard as back day), I'm not convinced that I'll see 299 tomorrow. Especially when one factors in the fact that I've got a group lunch today and will probably end up with a chimichanga or a cheeseburger or something else equally stupid. C'mon me, don't be stupid!
Anyway, that's that. 300.8
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Holy crap.
301.7
This is going to be a good week. Believe it.
This is going to be a good week. Believe it.
Yesterday I went to the gym after work. It’s a bit more challenging at that time - I’m a bit wiped out from work, and because I didn’t get any morning exercise, my energy levels were low. But I soldiered on and did my interval elliptical on lvl 9 for 20 minutes, then did weight training for my back.
I did three sets of 135 pound deadlifts - this is only the second time doing the exercise, so I’m still working on form. As a result I’m keeping the weight lower and really focusing on the correct movement here. My heart rate was spiking like mad when I’d do my 10 lifts, and I was sucking wind big time after the third set. Good stuff there!
Next I did the close-grip lat pulldown. Again three sets, this time at (I believe) 100, 115, 130 pounds. I could really feel it in my sides after the first set.
Finally I did the T-bar row. It’s quickly become a favorite exercise of mine. It’s just weight, with you lifting it up against gravity. I did 55, 65, 75 pounds here.
This morning I was back to the routine. 20 minutes of elliptical, then chest day.
We did the incline press, the decline press, then flat dumbbell presses. Holy banana was I feeling it by the second set of dumbbell presses! I just barely got the 10th one of the third set done. Weight on the dumbbell was 45, 55, 55.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
I don't much care for evening workouts.
"One nice thing - sure are a lot more girls here."
"Huh?" he said, his head spinning around fast and his eyes wide, as though he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
"Girls," I repeated as I surveyed the gym from atop my elliptical machine. "It's the one nice thing about working out in the evening."
A wide grin broke across Dan's face. "Yep."
"Huh?" he said, his head spinning around fast and his eyes wide, as though he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
"Girls," I repeated as I surveyed the gym from atop my elliptical machine. "It's the one nice thing about working out in the evening."
A wide grin broke across Dan's face. "Yep."
Still Going Strong
This morning's update is a quick one - my workout partner's wife has a meeting out of town, so we're forgoing our morning workout for an evening one instead. I'm not nearly as big a fan of working out after work - I'm a bit tired, and because I didn't get my morning exercise, I've got less energy throughout my workday. But it's just one of those things that has come up, so whatever, I'll deal with it.
As people who regularly read this blog know, weekends are by far my biggest issue. I've done the 10 pound gain, the 5 pound gain, and the wasted week as a result. But this past weekend, I seem to have done a much better job.
Many of us have little numbers in our heads that mean something. Obviously hitting the nice round numbers of being under 300, 250, 200... those are pretty clear numbers we want to hit. But personally... The lowest weight I remember being at in this apartment in the last three years was 303.3, and that was when my friend at work had quit and I was debating leaving too and stressed out and not eating. That was roughly three years ago. So while 303 and 299 are very close, 299 is more of a big picture, community-shared number, whereas 303 is a much more personal, emotional number.
Today I'm 302.5.
As people who regularly read this blog know, weekends are by far my biggest issue. I've done the 10 pound gain, the 5 pound gain, and the wasted week as a result. But this past weekend, I seem to have done a much better job.
Many of us have little numbers in our heads that mean something. Obviously hitting the nice round numbers of being under 300, 250, 200... those are pretty clear numbers we want to hit. But personally... The lowest weight I remember being at in this apartment in the last three years was 303.3, and that was when my friend at work had quit and I was debating leaving too and stressed out and not eating. That was roughly three years ago. So while 303 and 299 are very close, 299 is more of a big picture, community-shared number, whereas 303 is a much more personal, emotional number.
Today I'm 302.5.
Monday, October 06, 2008
Pretty decent weekend
Back in April, I went to Chicago with some friends to participate in a game tournament. We get kind of jazzed up for these events, and last fall had some shirts custom made for ourselves. Mine was a 3xl, of course. Well, by April I'd beefed up to the point where this shirt didn't really fit. At all. I wore it only one of the three days, and I could really only button the bottom button, and that was kind of a stretch. My stomach spilled out, and lifted up the hem of the shirt to the point that if I raised my arms a bit, someone could see a bit of tummy out from under it.
How embarassing.
I remember just having a miserable day. I felt awful, I looked awful. I think I went outside and sucked down two packs of cigarettes by 6pm that day. Just terrible.
This past Saturday I got back together with those friends to play the game again. And I grabbed that shirt. I put it on, buttoned it up, then noticed how much room there still was in the shirt. It's a bit billowy.
How wonderful.
304.8
How embarassing.
I remember just having a miserable day. I felt awful, I looked awful. I think I went outside and sucked down two packs of cigarettes by 6pm that day. Just terrible.
This past Saturday I got back together with those friends to play the game again. And I grabbed that shirt. I put it on, buttoned it up, then noticed how much room there still was in the shirt. It's a bit billowy.
How wonderful.
304.8
Friday, October 03, 2008
30!
304.4 takes me down 1.5 pounds from yesterday (clearly just a weird hiccup as I'm still averaging between half and 1 pound a day here), but more importantly it gets me past 30 pounds lost! Wow. That's some work. The first five are pretty much free. It's like a starter kit. The second 5 were easy too, but at 300+ they ought to be. But the last 20? This kid worked for those. Believe it.
Next goal, just under five pounds. Then two things happen - I'm under 300 for the first time in years, and I cross my 10% lost barrier with 35 out of my original 335 gone. Well, technically I guess the 10% happens a couple pounds sooner, but whatever. Point being, I'm close! However, and this is *very* important to understand, less than 300 is not my goal. It's only a milestone along the long path to a better me. An important milestone to be sure, but not my goal. I understand, and now you understand that I understand. But hey... 30!
Next goal, just under five pounds. Then two things happen - I'm under 300 for the first time in years, and I cross my 10% lost barrier with 35 out of my original 335 gone. Well, technically I guess the 10% happens a couple pounds sooner, but whatever. Point being, I'm close! However, and this is *very* important to understand, less than 300 is not my goal. It's only a milestone along the long path to a better me. An important milestone to be sure, but not my goal. I understand, and now you understand that I understand. But hey... 30!
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Uh-oh.
Man, I was so jazzed to hit 30 pounds lost today! Yesterday for lunch I had a salad (grabbed the wrong one - it didn't even have chicken. dang.), then some fruit and a water. For dinner a 12" club, water, apples. I got on the scale this morning and... 306.1. That's *NOT* 305. Not at all. I guess I did have a 12oz can of 7up before bed, but man... I'm bummed. This could be the bad lunch/dinner from two days ago though, and this is what happens when you workout through a bad meal day. I don't know. I'll have to be analytical with regards to today.
Overall though, that means I'm going to have the worst week yet for my weight loss. I still have another weigh-in tomorrow, but man.
You know... I switched to intervals on the elliptical. All week. And now I'm having a crappy weight-loss week. Are they related? Should I switch to a higher degree of difficulty on the intervals? I just don't know. I'm learning as I go.
Bottom line, today I went up in weight. And that sucks, especially as I was *so close* to hitting another milestone. Lesson? When you fall down, get back up. And quickly. So I will.
Overall though, that means I'm going to have the worst week yet for my weight loss. I still have another weigh-in tomorrow, but man.
You know... I switched to intervals on the elliptical. All week. And now I'm having a crappy weight-loss week. Are they related? Should I switch to a higher degree of difficulty on the intervals? I just don't know. I'm learning as I go.
Bottom line, today I went up in weight. And that sucks, especially as I was *so close* to hitting another milestone. Lesson? When you fall down, get back up. And quickly. So I will.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
tough times
Yesterday we were sitting at work, when the boss had an impromptu meeting with some of the long-time folks from work. I wasn't called back, and I was grateful, because I knew what was going down... layoffs.
I work for a small company of 16 people doing web/graphic design. I've been there 8+ years. Some of the people let go yesterday had been there 20+ years. No severance package, no healthcare for the month of October, nothing. Lots of tears.
So I went to lunch with the remaining members of my web department, along with Joe, who'd been there for 20 years. His first job out of high school! He's 38 now. Anyway, we said we'd go anywhere he wanted to. He wanted to go to some greasy spoon sports bar dive. So we did. And we all had big, greasy burgers and talked to him and wondered why him and why not other people. I did skip the fries and had cottage cheese instead, along with water instead of soda, so I made an effort.
Then for dinner I had a meatball sub from Subway. I know I shouldn't have, but dammit I was just in a mood. So I did. At least I went with wheat bread and no salt, then skipped the cookies/chips and just drank water.
Yesterday for Big Back Day we swapped in a new exercise... the deadlift. Oh. My. God. If you haven't done it, and I wouldn't be surprised if you hadn't... it's insane. My upper back is screaming at me this morning, which is a good feeling, because I do like the soreness of hard-worked muscles. Let's me know things are going well. Today I did intervals on the elliptical to mix it up (actually I've done that the past three days now), and I kicked it up to lvl 8. I was sweating hard within 7 or 8 minutes, so that was really really good! Today was chest, and I did flat bench (failed my last two reps of the third set... ugg), then dumbbell chest press, then cable crossovers. I felt a big pump leaving the gym today. I'm ready to move forward at work. I guess. Actually, I'm ready to find a new job. I already have one good lead, but I'd like to not put all my eggs in that basket. Anyone know of a nice company around St. Paul, MN that needs a Senior Web/User Experience Designer? Let me know... :)
305.4
I work for a small company of 16 people doing web/graphic design. I've been there 8+ years. Some of the people let go yesterday had been there 20+ years. No severance package, no healthcare for the month of October, nothing. Lots of tears.
So I went to lunch with the remaining members of my web department, along with Joe, who'd been there for 20 years. His first job out of high school! He's 38 now. Anyway, we said we'd go anywhere he wanted to. He wanted to go to some greasy spoon sports bar dive. So we did. And we all had big, greasy burgers and talked to him and wondered why him and why not other people. I did skip the fries and had cottage cheese instead, along with water instead of soda, so I made an effort.
Then for dinner I had a meatball sub from Subway. I know I shouldn't have, but dammit I was just in a mood. So I did. At least I went with wheat bread and no salt, then skipped the cookies/chips and just drank water.
Yesterday for Big Back Day we swapped in a new exercise... the deadlift. Oh. My. God. If you haven't done it, and I wouldn't be surprised if you hadn't... it's insane. My upper back is screaming at me this morning, which is a good feeling, because I do like the soreness of hard-worked muscles. Let's me know things are going well. Today I did intervals on the elliptical to mix it up (actually I've done that the past three days now), and I kicked it up to lvl 8. I was sweating hard within 7 or 8 minutes, so that was really really good! Today was chest, and I did flat bench (failed my last two reps of the third set... ugg), then dumbbell chest press, then cable crossovers. I felt a big pump leaving the gym today. I'm ready to move forward at work. I guess. Actually, I'm ready to find a new job. I already have one good lead, but I'd like to not put all my eggs in that basket. Anyone know of a nice company around St. Paul, MN that needs a Senior Web/User Experience Designer? Let me know... :)
305.4
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