Still making it happen

Okay, so it's now Thursday of week one. I'm going very strong! I've completely cut out my sodas and it's been all water, all the time.

When I got home from Texas after Xmas, I stepped on the scale and saw 292.4 and if I hadn't just evacuated my bowels I would have shit my pants. So close to 300 again! Fucking misery.

Today I weighed in at 286.6, which while still extremely high is at least giving me some early positives regarding my drink and food choices, as well as a nice reward for 30 minutes at the gym both nights.

I'm getting married in the new year. The official date is October 1, which gives me 9 months to go to get down. I'd love to be 215 for the wedding. That's still a bit high for me, but it's also a totally obtainable goal. It'll be nice to honeymoon somewhere warm without worrying about my bathing suit.

My lowest weight before I sort of slid away from this was 247, so it's still lots and lots of work to get there, but I'm committed. Committed in a way that I haven't been in a long time. I feel it, and I'm excited to feel it again.

286.6

Wednesday

Well, the caffeine headache has already subsided. I'm thrilled. Last night I made it to the gym after work and put in 30 minutes on the elliptical (hello again old friend). I feel that it would be worth it to discuss the whys of dropping out of my exercise routine, though at the moment I don't think I'm prepared for the level of introspection. I'm more focused on just getting the weight loss process restarted right now, you know? But I do think that I owe it to myself to delve deeper.

288.1

Ugh, my head...

It's now 8:22 PM and I haven't had a bit of caffeine yet today. My head! Ugh. There's this headache that's just sitting right in the middle of it, pulsing slowly.

I've come in today at 1725 calories. I think that somewhere between 1600 and 1800 seems "right" for me, though getting my body used to that will be a bit tough I'm afraid.

Tomorrow I should be headed to the gym. I'm looking into a couple weight training routines. I think deadlifts, squats and bench presses will be the focus as they're the best for adding big chunks of muscle. I'm not looking to be slim, I'd like to have a bit of an athletic build.

I'm yawning quite a bit. Not sure if it's due to yesterday's travel (and the week of Xmas in TX), or the caloric reduction. Stay tuned and we'll investigate if I stay tired or if I rebound.

Time to Start it Up?

What an amazing learning experience this last year has been. I could get into lots of thoughts, but the one I'm choosing to focus on right now is that when I'm not accountable, I don't win.

I haven't been writing in a year, and in that year I've now put back on 40 lbs. Forty.

HOLY SHIT.

So it's time to get back to work. Lifting and posting. Maybe everyday.

Here we go.

290.2

Time to shut it down?

This weekend I mentioned that I was considering scrapping this blog to The Gal. Not that I was looking to scrap my workouts or anything like that, but the reality is that I used to write more personal entries here and I don't any more. These entries now tend to just be a quickie update. No thought, no effort. Not a real "journal" as it used to be. The thing is, she reads it, my parents read it, friends read it... I don't feel like I can be totally honest here anymore, because rather than being an outlet for myself, this blog has instead turned into a bit of a fishbowl. I can't write about my failures as that now only sparks conversations or looks or even worse, my guilt projected onto these people.

I don't know. I think I may just start up a different blog under a different name or something, and get it back to being just my little thing. Not something that I want to share with my friends. Just something where I can get things out again, to not bottle up my thoughts and feelings, wary that some hyperbolic or silly statement will bring about cocked eyebrows.

I guess sometimes I feel like I let these people I interact with in real life into my personal thoughts, but that street doesn't run both ways. Bottom line: I don't write here anymore, even though I want to.

I won't be making a decision immediately; I'm going to spend a week or two ruminating over the idea of a change I guess. If I do turn this off, I'll certainly get back into contact with my blog pals - I'd feel bad to lose all these little relationships I've built over the past 18 months or so! Hmm...

In other news, I knocked out a great little lunch session today, getting 3 miles in 30 minutes under my feet. Tonight I'll be headed to martial arts as well, so I should be doing well.

My back is sore

Just got back from a nice run over my lunch break. Tonight I'll be heading to martial arts - this should be a great fitness day!

The Gal appears to want to get her fitness up too - looks like more healthy, home-cooked meals and the swapping of gym stories on the horizon. Not too sure what's motivated her to start going again, but I'm glad that we're sharing this, even if we're not doing it together. Makes it easier for both I think.

So I noticed an uptick in blogging from my peers right after the holidays, but it appears to be abating. I think it's time to go through the blogs I have listed over on the right and start to cull them. I collect weight-loss blogs to help inspire and motivate me, but the lion's share of them are now mothballed and they're inspiring very little on my end.

Hey all

Not a huge update, just wanted to pop in and say that things are still going well. I made it to the gym again last night. This morning I saw another drop on the scale.

Honestly, I thought that the holiday weight would be coming off a bit faster. I'm mildly disappointed that 10 pounds weren't flushed in a week as I really anticipated that happening. Unfortunately no, so I'll just keep chipping at it.

257.8

Monday

Saturday morning I hit the gym and did a leg routine. By the early afternoon, I could feel the ache in my muscles. By the evening the ache had become a bit of a roar. Early Sunday, the roar had become a serious pain - genuflecting as I stepped into the church pew straight-up *hurt*.

Today it's back to just _sore_. I'll take it. Gladly.

Tonight I'm planning 4 miles on the elliptical, followed by another mile on the treadmill. I did a light tread run out of curiosity on Saturday and found that the effect was different than the elliptical is. As such, I want to explore the exercise more. My only fear is busting up my knees, which is why I'm planning only a small run after my main elliptical workout.

The scale jumped a bit yesterday morning too. I'm fairly certain that it's because of the hard lifting session; I certainly didn't do anything terrible this weekend. I'll keep monitoring the changes.

Sweet.

This morning I knocked out 30 minutes at the new gym on the elliptical. I'll have to get used to the new beast's motion as it's a bit different from my old gym's machine. It does however have a personal TV monitor right on the top of it, so I can plug headphones in and watch whatever is on should I choose. Of course, I chose to go with my iPod Shuffle rather than deal with figuring out their TV tuner today, but hey, options are nice.

I'm also excited to get into their weight room tomorrow and knock out some curls and whatnot. It's time for the gun show (bang!), so I gotta get 'em going again. :D

Title.

Today I ended up staying home from work due to weather concerns. Instead of being in the office I was able to telecommute - yay!

That meant that on my lunch break, I was able to go and check out a nearby gym. Sweet! And lucky that, as today was the last day of $1 initiation fee at the place I found. It's also only $10 a month, with no contracts! I'm pretty stoked. I still might not make it every day, but now the weekend presents opportunities for me that I haven't had before. Sweet. Also? They're 24/7, so they fit my goofy schedule. Sweet sweet super-sweet!

Tonight I went to taekwondo. They were encouraging me to take a belt test this upcoming weekend. I declined, saying that I just got my new belt, then disappeared! But as I've been doing the martial arts thing years prior to my current gig, I'm sure I'd be just fine moving forward. Oh well... next month for that.

One thing that's bugging me... my muscles. Or rather, lack thereof. When I used to flex, a pronounced biceps would greet me. She's fucking disappeared! As has all the little muscle lines of my forearms. I mean, there's still *some* shit going on, but it's not nearly as pronounced as before. That makes for a sad, motivated panda. I needs me my muscles!!!

Wednesday morning

One of the more difficult things with working out with a partner is the schedule. Dan is a morning person - I've worked with him at four different jobs since college, and he's always wanting to wake up early, get to work early, leave early, pick up his kids from school, and go to bed early.

I, on the other hand, enjoy staying up until 2am.

I think a big problem in our workouts is that we would meet at 6:30am, which based on my traveling meant that I had to be driving by 5:15 to get there on time. That's hard enough. However, there's another issue - winter.

I don't tend to get depressed by the winter, but I do have a version of seasonal affective disorder - I'm tired. All the time. When it's dark out driving to work and dark out (and when I say dark, I don't mean Not Noon - I mean Pitch Black), then my body tends to slow down and I need more rest. Over the summer, when the sun's up at 5am and doesn't disappear until after 9pm here, I do quite well. But when it's dark and cold and uninviting, I tend to shut it down a bit.

This morning I slept in an extra hour past when I'd normally go to the gym. When I got up, I didn't have to rush to meet someone else's deadline. I packed my bag, grabbed a water bottle, did my morning thing, then left when I was ready.

I did 40 minutes on the elliptical this morning, running 4 miles. My shirt was soaked, as was the top band of my sweat pants. :)

Holding to it

Promise kept: Last night I went to workout at taekwondo for the first time in forever. It felt pretty good. I did have to laugh though, as there were 26 people in a class that usually has 12 or so, and 23 of the folks were new white belts. Not too sure if they were there to get fit as part of a resolution or if Santa left TKD memberships under the tree or if it's just a coincidence, but it looks like the next month or two will be fuller, slower classes until the drop-outs drop out and things return to normal.

259.6

And here we go!

A fairly auspicious beginning to my New Years Monday; after a rather long weekend, I crashed hard and couldn't rouse myself come 5:30. So... shit. Starting this one as I ended the last one?

Hell no.

I'll be working out in the evening tonight instead. I'm also knocking back my water, logging my calories in my counter and generally (and most importantly imho), turning my brain and therefore my focus back onto The Work.

I am not a statistic. I'm not a failure. I'm a winner. Stay with me, watch me win. Here we go!