Yesterday I'd stepped on the scale and saw that there was no change from Monday. This was a bit of a letdown, as I'd really had a great shoulder workout in addition to my cardio the day before. So I decided that perhaps I needed to change my lunch. I went to the grocery store where I always buy my pre-made salads, only this time I went to the salad bar.
Turns out that may have been a huge mistake.
I filled up my salad box with tons of lettuce, broccoli, cauliflower, chicken, eggs, carrots... When I brought it up to the counter, it came to $8 - they charge $6 per pound. Uh oh...
I ate the whole thing, and felt swollen and awful afterward. It was like I'd eaten too much fast food, except for the whole finale with the toilet. Gross. This morning I climbed on the scale and was *up* 1.2 pounds! Seriously... that's after two great days of workouts which followed essentially two weeks of nothing. It came as a surprise, as last night I was doing laundry, and tossed on a pair of jeans my friend Dan had given me as he'd shrunk out of them. Here I was, thinking that I'd lost more weight, when the exact opposite was true! I can't express how foolish I felt when the number came up on the digital readout. And from a salad. And maybe a handful of mini-chocolate bars at work. Oops. Hate that.
But I was right back there this morning, lifting and pressing and jogging, and I'd even kicked the elliptical up another level. I'd been ready to recommit myself totally and then had the bronchitis throw a wrench into my plans, but I do feel like mentally I'm all the way back. And speaking of back... holy crap is mine sore right now. I had my ass kicked yesterday by those deadlifts and rows, and the body is letting me know it.
I also made it a point to count my calories for the day, and I'm glad to say I'm just a shade under 2k. And since I don't snack at night and have already had my dinner (I knew I'd be at work late, so I just left at 5 and scored something healthy), that's where I'll be for the day.
I hope tomorrow brings more success. It's hard to not get too emotionally wrapped up in the news that the scale brings, but when you write a weight loss blog daily, read several others at various points throughout the day, and always think about the goals and the reasons why I'm doing this when I get up and go back to bed in the evening, I end up feeling like a failure who's wasting time, effort and energy when I'm not seeing the results that I need.
But I do know this - consistency will get me where I need to be. So I must Must MUST be consistent and not give in when the little voice inside my head says, "what's the use? why bother? 70+ pounds is enough for now..."
Fuck that voice. Fuck that scale. Fuck these pounds. Fuck this fat.
Where I've Been and Where I'm Going
2 comments:
You might have lost fat, but gained muscle. Sometimes you lost inches before pounds also.
Hang in there we all get frustrated from time to time.
You are not alone.
I personally splurged the last few days and I felt terrible myself about it.
Also, after being sick, especially if you cut back on eating (as one naturally does when they're sick, or at least I do), when you do start eating again, you'll gain a little weight. 2 weeks ago I was really sick and was lucky to eat 600 calories per day, and that was pushing myself to eat and hoping it didn't come back up. I lost like 6 pounds, and when I got better and started eating I gained back 4 of those pounds seemingly over night.
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