Didn't weigh in this morning - just forgot to. Maybe I'm no longer the whore I once was? Or maybe after yesterday's
Happy weekend!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Friday
My shirt was soaked when I stepped off the elliptical, forty-five minutes and four and a half miles later. Seriously, I think that my gym bag will have a puddle in it by the time I get home tonight. Laundry has been added to my To Do list.
Didn't weigh in this morning - just forgot to. Maybe I'm no longer the whore I once was? Or maybe after yesterday'sgain fluctuation, I wasn't in the mood for the scale's lies and half-truths. Bottom line, I've gone to the gym 5 out of 5 days this week, and I've gone to fight club twice (I didn't go last night as I got home a bit late and wasn't in the mood). I'm doing well, and I know that soon enough the scale will represent this.
Happy weekend!
Didn't weigh in this morning - just forgot to. Maybe I'm no longer the whore I once was? Or maybe after yesterday's
Happy weekend!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Shoes!
I'd been wearing the same pair of shoes to the gym for over a year. They were a decent pair of Nike running shoes and I quite liked them, but I found that they were starting to wear out.
The Shox in the heels had become compressed. The rubber sole was peeling off the toe on one of them. The black fabric had been stained a patchy white with the salt from last winter and the sweat off my feet. And then there was the smell. Oh God, the smell. A dead body wrapped in burnt bacon is a close match (I think - I've never actually wrapped one of my victims in bacon. Yet. Kidding! Mostly.) So I went online and did a bit of shopping, looking for the replacements.
I've got a few requirements for workout shoes. First, I prefer running shoes. I'll go with trainers if I must, and trainers tend to be a more stable, stiff shoe, but I really enjoy the light weight of running shoes. When you're already overweight, there's no reason to spend money to put heavy bricks over the toes, you know? Plus, the profile of running shoes tends to be sleek, which helps when my body silhouette is a bit, uh... not sleek.
Second, and a corellary to the previous requirement, I prefer the shoes to be made mostly of fabric/cloth, not leather (or a fake pleathery poly-something). Getting fabric on the uppers means that the shoes will get dirty quickly and won't wipe clean the way leather does, but they're light and -- and this is important with me -- they let the feet breathe, so when they're all nestled up in the shoe they don't sweat so much. Because kiddies? I sweat.
Next requirement - cushioning. Look, I've heard that wearing shoes can screw up your body's natural gait by over-cushioning, changing the way you walk. I've also heard that having a flat-soled shoe when lifting weights (especially for things like squats, deadlifts and the hipsled, where there's a lot of pressure in the heel) is superior to not. HOWEVER! I don't much care. I'm heavy. My lower back will get sore and tired when I don't have proper cushioning in my feet. I don't really care what technology the shoe uses to cushion me: air, gel, compression foam, rubber, etc., provided that I'm receiving the cushioning I need.
Finally, I'd like the shoe to be available in widths - my feet are wide. I wear an E-width shoe, which is thicker than the standard D-width of most mens shoes. Again, having a shoe with a wider footbed allows the foot to breath rather than appear to be a sausage in some casing, you know? I wear a 10.5, though I tend to buy an 11 as I can't find shoes that fit both my length and girth. Condoms either. ;)
Well, I found a pair that I thought looked pretty decent, if not slightly over the top, style-wise. They're the Nike Experience. A pair runs $140, which these days is just too pricey to justify. I kept my eye on them though, and sure enough they're now on discount. In fact, once I saw that they were discounted to $90, I decided to go see if they were at the local mall. Turns out they were! AND, they were only $80 there!
Unfortunately, the salesman said that they didn't come in widths other than standard D. Strike one. Also, they were out of size 11 - strike 2! However, they did have a pair of 10.5s in the back if I'd like to try. I hemmed and hawed a bit, looking at other models, then said sure.
WOW! Honest to God, they were the best shoe I'd ever tried on! The top is a stretchy fabric, so my big fat pig feet can push against the sides without blowing out the stitching (yep, it's happened). The cushioning is a combo-platter of the compressed foam Shox with air in the shock column. They were so light! So comfortable!!
Honestly, I can't keep my feet out of them. They're my gym shoes, but I find myself wearing them around the house, and when I'm out on the weekend. I'm sort of kind of thinking about buying a second pair, just because they're so awesome. Oh, and apparently there's some sort of + technology that ties into your iPod/iPhone to record your workouts or time it to music or some such. I have no interest in that (though when I'm on the eliptical I do have my iPhone playing music - eh, don't want to figure it out!), so there's even more reason that these things are sweet.
What kind of shoes do you prefer when working out?
255.3
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Yikes
Last night I had some issues getting to sleep. I finally went down somewhere close to midnight, scoring less than five hours for the third night in a row.
I'm pooped.
At the gym this morning, the effects of little sleep showed up - I actually bailed from the elliptical 30 minutes into my planned 45 minute exercise. I just didn't have the energy. I'm already looking forward to tonight's bedtime. I'm *so* tired, and I feel like I've got nothing left in the tank. The problem is, it's only Wednesday. :(
253.4
I'm pooped.
At the gym this morning, the effects of little sleep showed up - I actually bailed from the elliptical 30 minutes into my planned 45 minute exercise. I just didn't have the energy. I'm already looking forward to tonight's bedtime. I'm *so* tired, and I feel like I've got nothing left in the tank. The problem is, it's only Wednesday. :(
253.4
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
The Secret
I've been derelict in updating my blog, so I'd like to acknowledge that fact before posting - blogging (much like just keeping a journal) is decent therapy for me and I've been neglecting that.
I read the book The Secret awhile back. It's basic premise (the Secret, if you will), is that whatever we think about will expand from thought into action. If you want to reduce your debt and save, start by thinking about it all the time. Not thinking about the consequenses, but rather just how you're going to save and reduce debt. Pretty soon you'll find that the thoughts affect your actions - you'll be standing at Target and will see a copy of Guitar Hero World Tour PLUS two wireless guitar controllers for only $20, and you'll STILL walk away, because buying that is taking you further away from the debt reduction/saving you've been focused on.
Point being, when I started this new lifestyle, it was all I thought about. I'd start my day with a visit to the gym. I'd come home, weigh in, blog about how I was doing, read other blogs, then go to work. I'd think about what I ate everytime I ate something. I'd read more blogs over lunch, or go researching some alternative lifting exercises. I'd go home and think about how much water I'd drank that day. I'd read more blogs...
For the past six or so months, I haven't been nearly as focused on that. I've thought about it some, but it hasn't been the dominate thought. As such, weight loss has contracted in my mind/life while other facets of life have expanded. As of yesterday however, that will no longer be the case.
This past weekend my eating was atrocious, to the point of embarrassment for myself. How did I come to this point of not refusing the pizza and Chipotle and cookies and burgers and beer and... you get the point. I've always allowed myself some "bad" food, though in moderation. Now however, it seems to have wormed its way back into my life. My cupboard has Oreos. It's got Sun Chips and Tostitos. It's got dipping cheese/sauce. Who the hell have I become? I'm drinking lots of diet sodas and not purely water. What the shit is going on?
So once again, it's time. Time to focus. Time to remember The Secret.
254.9
I read the book The Secret awhile back. It's basic premise (the Secret, if you will), is that whatever we think about will expand from thought into action. If you want to reduce your debt and save, start by thinking about it all the time. Not thinking about the consequenses, but rather just how you're going to save and reduce debt. Pretty soon you'll find that the thoughts affect your actions - you'll be standing at Target and will see a copy of Guitar Hero World Tour PLUS two wireless guitar controllers for only $20, and you'll STILL walk away, because buying that is taking you further away from the debt reduction/saving you've been focused on.
Point being, when I started this new lifestyle, it was all I thought about. I'd start my day with a visit to the gym. I'd come home, weigh in, blog about how I was doing, read other blogs, then go to work. I'd think about what I ate everytime I ate something. I'd read more blogs over lunch, or go researching some alternative lifting exercises. I'd go home and think about how much water I'd drank that day. I'd read more blogs...
For the past six or so months, I haven't been nearly as focused on that. I've thought about it some, but it hasn't been the dominate thought. As such, weight loss has contracted in my mind/life while other facets of life have expanded. As of yesterday however, that will no longer be the case.
This past weekend my eating was atrocious, to the point of embarrassment for myself. How did I come to this point of not refusing the pizza and Chipotle and cookies and burgers and beer and... you get the point. I've always allowed myself some "bad" food, though in moderation. Now however, it seems to have wormed its way back into my life. My cupboard has Oreos. It's got Sun Chips and Tostitos. It's got dipping cheese/sauce. Who the hell have I become? I'm drinking lots of diet sodas and not purely water. What the shit is going on?
So once again, it's time. Time to focus. Time to remember The Secret.
254.9
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
The Struggle
Two weeks. Two weeks since I last blogged. And I look at that last entry, and I just can't believe how far, both physically and mentally, I am from that post.
So... a few months ago, I moved. I wanted to be close to the girlfriend, so we decided that I'd move the 90 miles to be with her. Unfortunately, during that month of May, I really *really* started feeling nervous about that move. Would we work out? What about the job situation - drive that distance twice daily and commute, or find work down in her town? what about her son - how would I fit in with him, and him with me? And so I started having trouble sleeping at night. And then the weightloss had stalled out. And then, in a moment of weakness late one night, I made a bad choice.
I bought a pack of cigarettes.
It wasn't something I wanted to do, and I knew I was being dumb, but I'd still done it. And once I'd started, I found that I was able to find other reasons to continue going. I started feeling that I wasn't using them to help me get through the small pockets of anxiety - I'd slipped back into an addiction.
It didn't take long for The Gal to start inquiring. I don't know what exactly she saw/felt/smelled, but it didn't matter - she asked me.
And I made a bad decision worse - I lied.
I didn't want her to know. I thought that I could just quit. Yet every Monday would come and I'd find myself at work, holding out... then I'd fail. I'd go buy a pack. Just weak.
Again, The Gal asked if I was, only this time she'd mentioned that her mom had smelled it on me. Again, I denied it.
Much like the main in Edgar Allen Poe's Tell-tale Heart story, I too was feeling the pressure of my sins. Finally, she and I were sitting in the kitchen and she leaned in to kiss me. She pulled away, and shot me a look.
"What?" I asked guiltily.
"Nothing," she replied.
And truthfully, I realized that I could at this point just let it go. I don't think that she really wanted to know. However, I felt like I needed her to know. I kept pushing - "What? Do you smell something? What do you smell?"
"Did you smoke a cigarette?"
Finally.
I confessed, and while it wasn't easy, it was good. The one thing she kept coming back to was that she felt that I didn't really want to quit. She she didn't think that since I had covered it up, I was ready to stop. However, I don't believe that's the truth. The truth is that I desperately want to quit - but it's an addiction, and it's hard.
So now I'm just abut two weeks clean from them. Yay. However, and back to the first point of this entry - I'm so far away from having a good day like my man Ice Cube. The fact of the matter is, I've put on 13 pounds as of this morning's weigh-in. 260.
The struggle of the first week was just incredible. Missing those regular daybreaks really affected my pysically and emotionally. I found that I was just physically depressed and unmotivated. I ended up taking the Friday of that week off, just because I felt like I was wasting my work's time by being there. Last week was much better. I was able to very quickly fall back into the old routine at work, get into a zone and not pull away from my duties to take a run outside.
So. I'm back to breathing better. It's still a struggle, but it's no longer the minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour struggle that it was in Week 1. I just need to get the eating back under control. Truth is, I knew I was going overboard, eating poorly. I just didn't want to deal with that, as bad as I felt wit the smoking issue I was (am) working through. I think I just needed some type of comfort, and surprise surprise, I went back to food.
Damn.
You know what the worst part of the 13 pound gain is? I still went to the gym regularly. I don't know if you saw the article from Time magazine that made a bit of a splash a few weeks ago. It mentioned how working out doesn't make you thin. It actually would say that working out would make you MORE hungry as you've burned energy and need to replenish it. The main thrust was that if you want to lose weight, it begins and ends on the plate. The gym workouts just help to shape and sculpt the body, and to give you good health. And frankly, after finding out just how delighted I am with being able to chase a 7 year old boy around and not run out of energy, my health is something I don't want to give up - I've fought too hard to get it! But I just need to pay attention this next week and eliminate the bullshit eating. I'd bet that I'll drop 8 of the 13 pounds within a week.
That's the goal!!!
So... a few months ago, I moved. I wanted to be close to the girlfriend, so we decided that I'd move the 90 miles to be with her. Unfortunately, during that month of May, I really *really* started feeling nervous about that move. Would we work out? What about the job situation - drive that distance twice daily and commute, or find work down in her town? what about her son - how would I fit in with him, and him with me? And so I started having trouble sleeping at night. And then the weightloss had stalled out. And then, in a moment of weakness late one night, I made a bad choice.
I bought a pack of cigarettes.
It wasn't something I wanted to do, and I knew I was being dumb, but I'd still done it. And once I'd started, I found that I was able to find other reasons to continue going. I started feeling that I wasn't using them to help me get through the small pockets of anxiety - I'd slipped back into an addiction.
It didn't take long for The Gal to start inquiring. I don't know what exactly she saw/felt/smelled, but it didn't matter - she asked me.
And I made a bad decision worse - I lied.
I didn't want her to know. I thought that I could just quit. Yet every Monday would come and I'd find myself at work, holding out... then I'd fail. I'd go buy a pack. Just weak.
Again, The Gal asked if I was, only this time she'd mentioned that her mom had smelled it on me. Again, I denied it.
Much like the main in Edgar Allen Poe's Tell-tale Heart story, I too was feeling the pressure of my sins. Finally, she and I were sitting in the kitchen and she leaned in to kiss me. She pulled away, and shot me a look.
"What?" I asked guiltily.
"Nothing," she replied.
And truthfully, I realized that I could at this point just let it go. I don't think that she really wanted to know. However, I felt like I needed her to know. I kept pushing - "What? Do you smell something? What do you smell?"
"Did you smoke a cigarette?"
Finally.
I confessed, and while it wasn't easy, it was good. The one thing she kept coming back to was that she felt that I didn't really want to quit. She she didn't think that since I had covered it up, I was ready to stop. However, I don't believe that's the truth. The truth is that I desperately want to quit - but it's an addiction, and it's hard.
So now I'm just abut two weeks clean from them. Yay. However, and back to the first point of this entry - I'm so far away from having a good day like my man Ice Cube. The fact of the matter is, I've put on 13 pounds as of this morning's weigh-in. 260.
The struggle of the first week was just incredible. Missing those regular daybreaks really affected my pysically and emotionally. I found that I was just physically depressed and unmotivated. I ended up taking the Friday of that week off, just because I felt like I was wasting my work's time by being there. Last week was much better. I was able to very quickly fall back into the old routine at work, get into a zone and not pull away from my duties to take a run outside.
So. I'm back to breathing better. It's still a struggle, but it's no longer the minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour struggle that it was in Week 1. I just need to get the eating back under control. Truth is, I knew I was going overboard, eating poorly. I just didn't want to deal with that, as bad as I felt wit the smoking issue I was (am) working through. I think I just needed some type of comfort, and surprise surprise, I went back to food.
Damn.
You know what the worst part of the 13 pound gain is? I still went to the gym regularly. I don't know if you saw the article from Time magazine that made a bit of a splash a few weeks ago. It mentioned how working out doesn't make you thin. It actually would say that working out would make you MORE hungry as you've burned energy and need to replenish it. The main thrust was that if you want to lose weight, it begins and ends on the plate. The gym workouts just help to shape and sculpt the body, and to give you good health. And frankly, after finding out just how delighted I am with being able to chase a 7 year old boy around and not run out of energy, my health is something I don't want to give up - I've fought too hard to get it! But I just need to pay attention this next week and eliminate the bullshit eating. I'd bet that I'll drop 8 of the 13 pounds within a week.
That's the goal!!!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Me and Cube
What's up, fellow fatty peeps? In the immortal words of my man Ice Cube, today was a good day - I achieved the goal I'd set for myself of being under 250. Not only that, but I hit a new low this morning with a 247.3 - sweetsauce.
Lots of salads with fresh chicken for lunch, jazz apples (while honeycrisp apples are my most fave, the jazz makes for a nice change when the honeycrisp is out of season), and a *ton* of water. Oddly, and this just comes from knowing my body well, the top of my stomach still has a slight bulge to it that signifies I'm holding onto something. It tends to flatten out a bit more when I'm totally free of sodium/starches/carbs, so there's still more weight that I'm holding on to. I guess that means I should expect to continue to lose a bit more between today and tomorrow. Cool!
Time to go find a rubber band for the wrist - now that I've hit a new low today, I *really* need to pay attention to what I'm eating/portion size for this weekend. Can't fuck it up, because I'm 2.3 pounds away from 90 lost! With continued focus over the next 7 days, I may be able to hit that number by next friday morning - and man was that a shitty movie!
247.3
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Wednesday
Morning all.
I've missed hitting the gym the last couple mornings. My body feels rundown, and I've been sleeping instead. I still hit Fight Club last night, which was great. I received a belt promotion and I'm slowly moving up - sweet.
This morning I was back at 250.4, so things are coming together there. It's my goal to be under 250 this week, so I'm on pace to make that happen. I just need to maintain my intelligent choices when it comes to good food, rest, working out.
I've missed hitting the gym the last couple mornings. My body feels rundown, and I've been sleeping instead. I still hit Fight Club last night, which was great. I received a belt promotion and I'm slowly moving up - sweet.
This morning I was back at 250.4, so things are coming together there. It's my goal to be under 250 this week, so I'm on pace to make that happen. I just need to maintain my intelligent choices when it comes to good food, rest, working out.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Fun weekend
This weekend was pretty sweet - The Gal™ and I went to see Cirque du Soleil on Saturday night, after an incredible dinner of calamari, bruchetta, some lambchops for me and shrimp pasta for her, then my first go at creme brulee (yum, by the way). Unfortunately the night was cut short - tornado sirens cut through the din of the circus tent, and both audience and cast were herded out into the hot, muggy night to await our fate under a parking lot.
After an hour of waiting and a shirtful of perspiration (have I mentioned that I sweat more than the average person? Like... a lot more. On my list of things that I can't fix about myself but would if I ever ran across a genie it probably doesn't make the cut, but it's still a "thing" with me), the news came across the loudspeaker - the rest of the show was canceled. Boo! Thankfully they were quite accommodating and after a 40 minute phone call the next morning she and I had tickets to the next night's final performance. Sweet!
I don't know what I weigh - on Friday I was at 251, then Sunday morning (after than incredible meal) I was up to a bullshit 256. I decided to just not worry about the scale and instead go to the gym this morning - no small feat as I didn't get to sleep until 12 last night, so I'm coasting on less than five hours of snooze-time right now.
Oh, I'm also moving. Again.
Last move (a scant 3 months ago) had me pretty stressed out, but I don't think that this one will. I'm just looking to downsize my current apartment as I have far too much room for how much stuff I have and how much time I'm there, and quite frankly I needn't spend 20% of my takehome pay on rent. So I won't be after this month. Which means I have to go home and start packing again. Ack!
Maybe instead of putting pounds on during the stress of this move, I'll instead drop 'em? Sounds like a good plan. :)
After an hour of waiting and a shirtful of perspiration (have I mentioned that I sweat more than the average person? Like... a lot more. On my list of things that I can't fix about myself but would if I ever ran across a genie it probably doesn't make the cut, but it's still a "thing" with me), the news came across the loudspeaker - the rest of the show was canceled. Boo! Thankfully they were quite accommodating and after a 40 minute phone call the next morning she and I had tickets to the next night's final performance. Sweet!
I don't know what I weigh - on Friday I was at 251, then Sunday morning (after than incredible meal) I was up to a bullshit 256. I decided to just not worry about the scale and instead go to the gym this morning - no small feat as I didn't get to sleep until 12 last night, so I'm coasting on less than five hours of snooze-time right now.
Oh, I'm also moving. Again.
Last move (a scant 3 months ago) had me pretty stressed out, but I don't think that this one will. I'm just looking to downsize my current apartment as I have far too much room for how much stuff I have and how much time I'm there, and quite frankly I needn't spend 20% of my takehome pay on rent. So I won't be after this month. Which means I have to go home and start packing again. Ack!
Maybe instead of putting pounds on during the stress of this move, I'll instead drop 'em? Sounds like a good plan. :)
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
What up?
Not too sure what's going on recently. I feel like I've lost my focus. I'm still hitting the gym and going to fight club, but my weight isn't changing. My most recent weigh-in saw me at 252.0. I'm looking at guys like Stephen, who's now down 100 pounds, and Tyler, who's been doing this for less time than I have but started 10 pounds heavier and is now almost 20 pounds under my weight, and while I feel great for them, I'm a bit frustrated with myself.
I had started wearing a rubber band on my wrist over the last month as a little reminder to myself regarding what I want to do with the losing, but quickly lost interest in it as that type of totem. I haven't been recording calories. I've found myself having more regular soda, and having cookies at work or Dairy Queen during the evenings. The portion sizes on my dinner plate have also increased.
There was a post or a tweet or a facebook update or something from Tony, where he asked an interesting question. He asked if you would cheat on your spouse on Christmas. What about Thanksgiving? Would you have an affair, but only on Halloween? If you wouldn't cheat on your spouse on a holiday, why do you think it's okay to cheat on yourself? Why is it okay to cheat on your diet/lifestyle? I feel that while I haven't been going overboard on holidays per se, there *have* been some birthday celebrations where I've been having cake or weird, sugar-rich Snickers salad, or lots of mayo/butter/cheese... I haven't been having a total cheating orgy, but at the same time it's like every weekend I've been allowing myself to cheat. I need to get it under better control. It's like I'm accepting little hand jobs or blow jobs behind The Gal™ 's back - and since I'd never do that to her, why am I doing this to me?
Don't know. Not sure. But this morning I skipped coffee/muffin. I went for a banana and some water. I hope that by minimizing early carbs this morning, I won't be going loopy for them later as that seems to be a problem. I need to keep my focus and I need to lose more weight.
ps, my right knee was tweeked this morning when I woke up, for reasons unclear. After doing the hipsled at 430 pounds for 3 sets of 15 reps, it's currently killing me. I don't need an injury to screw with me.
2.2
I had started wearing a rubber band on my wrist over the last month as a little reminder to myself regarding what I want to do with the losing, but quickly lost interest in it as that type of totem. I haven't been recording calories. I've found myself having more regular soda, and having cookies at work or Dairy Queen during the evenings. The portion sizes on my dinner plate have also increased.
There was a post or a tweet or a facebook update or something from Tony, where he asked an interesting question. He asked if you would cheat on your spouse on Christmas. What about Thanksgiving? Would you have an affair, but only on Halloween? If you wouldn't cheat on your spouse on a holiday, why do you think it's okay to cheat on yourself? Why is it okay to cheat on your diet/lifestyle? I feel that while I haven't been going overboard on holidays per se, there *have* been some birthday celebrations where I've been having cake or weird, sugar-rich Snickers salad, or lots of mayo/butter/cheese... I haven't been having a total cheating orgy, but at the same time it's like every weekend I've been allowing myself to cheat. I need to get it under better control. It's like I'm accepting little hand jobs or blow jobs behind The Gal™ 's back - and since I'd never do that to her, why am I doing this to me?
Don't know. Not sure. But this morning I skipped coffee/muffin. I went for a banana and some water. I hope that by minimizing early carbs this morning, I won't be going loopy for them later as that seems to be a problem. I need to keep my focus and I need to lose more weight.
ps, my right knee was tweeked this morning when I woke up, for reasons unclear. After doing the hipsled at 430 pounds for 3 sets of 15 reps, it's currently killing me. I don't need an injury to screw with me.
2.2
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Where I've Been and Where I'm Going
