This morning the alarm went off at 4:45. As I awoke, I heard the rain pouring down from outside my window. I hit the snooze button, then nine minutes later I hit the snooze again. I didn't allow for the full 9 minutes a second time, instead forcing myself up and out to face the dark and dreary day.
I brushed my teeth, grabbed my bag, then decided to skip the scale. I didn't want to know. Instead, I grabbed a morning bar and some caffeine in the form of a Diet Coke, then went outside in the wet to my car, starting up the drive.
It was pouring. Hard. I couldn't go my normal speed, and even with the reduced speed I still felt the car get away from me twice, hydroplaning briefly before I eased off the accelerator and got it under control. I can't use the cruise control when it's pouring, as I cannot just hit the brakes when the car gets loose - I need to be in control of it all the time.
I got to the gym, though late. I did a quick 5 minute warm-up on the elliptical, then went to the weight room. I upped my front and side lateral raises from 10 to 12 pounds, doing 3 sets of 15 reps each there, then did 3 sets of 15 at 100 pounds on the upright rows.
Shoulders flaring, I went back to the locker room, where I realized that I'd left my towel at home. Thankful I was late and didn't work up too much of a sweat with cardio for once in my life, I put on my work clothes and headed in.
I'm hopeful for positive change on the scale this week, though I realize that it's not up to wishes and hopes, it's up to me. I need to do better. I need to work out harder, I need to watch what goes in my mouth more carefully. I need to eliminate alcohol from my nightly TV watching. I need to get more focused.
Over the weekend I received more compliments on the weight loss from people who hadn't seen me in awhile. I humbly accepted the well-wishes with a thanks, but inside I felt like a phony. I should be doing much better than I am. I need to do much better than I am. I cannot be on auto-pilot, allowing another month to slip away while just maintaining. I'm still somewhere between 255 and 260, and I have to find a way to improve that. I have to be losing again.
The recent months of not losing? It's killing me.