I came home from work and checked - two pair of the jeans Dan gave me were 35s. Only the button-fly was a 36. So I tried again... still not quite. Then I realized something. I realized that the underwear I wear are old. I haven't even thought to buy new ones. They're a 48. They're all bunched up at the top and full of fabric and wrecking the deal. So I got new underwear and tried again.
I look like an asshole with a big muffin-top, but whatever. Give me 10 more pounds, they'll be in my regular rotation. Believe it!