Today I stepped on the scale - 252.3. That's five pounds higher than my lowest, but 8 pounds down from my most recent high. Man, that whole let's-start-smoking-again-and-then-quit-and-fuck-some-shit-up-in-the-process thing was totally a bad call.
In terms of struggling, I finally feel like I'm not once again. It's been a month since I've really felt like this. I'm back to drinking green tea in the morning and not indulging on the froo-froo coffees. I've stopped with a cookie-break down in the cafeteria. I'm eating only salads and fruit during lunch, and I'm drinking much more water during the day. I finally feel like I'm choosing based on my logical wants, not on some weird emotional pull.
I'm this odd ball of interaction at times. I can get quite high, playful to the point of annoyance. Then I can come waaaay down, not wanting to interact with anyone and turn all my thoughts internal. I try to modulate myself, staying somewhere between positive but not annoying and stoic but not silent. Sometimes I hit it, other times I miss. Right now though, I'm feeling good. :)