Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Today I stepped on the scale - 252.3. That's five pounds higher than my lowest, but 8 pounds down from my most recent high. Man, that whole let's-start-smoking-again-and-then-quit-and-fuck-some-shit-up-in-the-process thing was totally a bad call.

In terms of struggling, I finally feel like I'm not once again. It's been a month since I've really felt like this. I'm back to drinking green tea in the morning and not indulging on the froo-froo coffees. I've stopped with a cookie-break down in the cafeteria. I'm eating only salads and fruit during lunch, and I'm drinking much more water during the day. I finally feel like I'm choosing based on my logical wants, not on some weird emotional pull.

I'm this odd ball of interaction at times. I can get quite high, playful to the point of annoyance. Then I can come waaaay down, not wanting to interact with anyone and turn all my thoughts internal. I try to modulate myself, staying somewhere between positive but not annoying and stoic but not silent. Sometimes I hit it, other times I miss. Right now though, I'm feeling good. :)



Tricia said...

I get that too...the highs and lows. I can go from feeling like the world is my gracious audience to thinking that the whole world's plotting against me in like the blink of an eye. It's super annoying. Either way, glad to see you're back on track :)

nic said...

I think those ebbs are normal. It would be weird to WANT to be with people all the time (in my opinion).

Being alone lets you focus on You, and that's important.

Fat Daddy said...

Sounds like you are getting it back together. I wonder if being fat contributes to mood swings because God knows I am HIGH and LOW for really no reason.

Keep it up dude...it looks like you are just about to break new ground.

Natasha said...

I'm glad you're in a good place right now. The tough part is learning how to stay in the good place. I struggle with it a lot too. Stress seems to be my biggest downfall. Whenever I get stressed I tend to hermit myself. It's great to see you happy.

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