Friday, July 24, 2009

Ruminations on a Compliment

Last night I headed over to The Gal's™ place to say hi. When I walked in the door, I saw her whole family huddled around the table, working on their next big event. Her mom greeted me, then said, "Andrew - you're losing some weight!" I did my typical quiet thank-you bit, and left it at that, but it got me to thinking.

A year ago I'd taken stock of my life and how much of a waste I felt it had become. I wanted to get healthy for a number of reasons, though thankfully all the reasons were my own. As an aside, I'm not really convinced that if someone's parent or spouse says something regarding your weight, you're really going to do much. And if you did, it wouldn't be with your whole heart as it wasn't *you* that came to the decision to do it for you - you're doing it for them. Because of that, I do believe that in order to be successful at this you sometimes have to exhibit selfish behavior - you've got to put this effort above other things in your life, be they family, friends, hobbies, etc. I digress...

One of the things I was really concerned about was how women viewed me. And as I viewed myself pretty low, I assume (and probably correctly, because unless they're all a bunch of fat acceptance chicks, they're typically more interested in someone thin/muscular. At least at first blush) that they saw me the same. But one thing I never gave much thought to was how their family members would see me. I guess I just never made it that far down the thought-line.

So The Gal™ has 7 siblings, along with her folks. What did they think when I first started coming around? What did they think when she and I started dating? Did they say anything concerning her new beau's weight? Did they feel that she was settling, or slumming, or any other negative word usable here? Did they wonder just what in the hell she was doing with me?

I don't know. I haven't asked. I'd really not thought about it too much before driving home last night. I think at this point I've pretty much got them all liking me for me, so I'm not too worried about it, but it's just an interesting thing to ponder.

Anyway, I appreciate the compliment Pam. Thanks for noticing.


Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

I like to think that people (and her family) don't judge you solely on the weight, but I imagine it was a topic of discussion when neither of you were around.

You're absolutely right in that this can be a selfish pursuit. It takes a lot of time to truly do this right, and it's always time that's taken away from something or someone else. Making yourself a high priority is an important step to being successful.

Oh, and one more thing... you ARE losing some weight.

Fat Daddy said...

Such a well thought out post. I never gave much thought to my wife's family and their opinion of my weight. Kind of funny when I am ultra sensitive to it from anyone else.

What did they think? Who knows for sure? But like Jack I think they probably have talked about it.

Either way, one of them noticed your loss, which any way you slice it is good.

*Fitcetera* said...

I also agree with Jack and FD but it was probably as an aside and not as a judgement of how you are as a person. Just as a comment on your looks or something as in,
Gees, Andrew's new GAL(tm)is really pretty.
That kind of thing. A noticing.

it was nice that Pam said something. She obviously knows that it's important for you to see results and that you might like to know others are noticing as well.
you're doing great Hotstuff(tm)!

jo said...

Well, my inlaws didn't like me from the get-go. DH's siblings did, but not his mom. I don't know if she does now or not, but she's warmed over the years.

The weight thing with me when I'm around them (they're ALL skinny): MIL mentions my weigt when she's in the next room and knows I'll hear it.

I would imagine that weight probably was discussed, but I would think that they'd be much more worried about character, you know?

jessi said...

This is interesting because that is the FIRST thing I think about. You're doing great :)

Roxie said...

First speaking as a parent of a dating age daughter - first and foremost, character above all else is what's important to me. Does he treat her well?

Secondly, speaking as a woman (old), I believe, generally speaking, that women have a much broader definition of what is attractive/and what makes a person attractive.

This is my first time here - looks like you are doing some great things for yourself. And yes, it does require a bit of self-centeredness, but none one bit less than you deserve. Good luck to you.

antgirl said...

The selfish thing is true. I put my workout times before everything else. Of course, I jostled things around so that I fit in other stuff. And, I have formal, structured workouts 4x a week. The other three are free form and that gives me time for other things. That's a balance that works for me.

Glad you got a compliment on your hard work. The first one I got was from the DMV. My husband's family never said anything to me. Not once. And, I lost about 100 pounds.

Anonymous said...

I never seen weight on men. I've always loved me a big, big boy. Although part of it might have been my own selfish desire to feel small for once ;)

Congrats on your weight loss being noticed... that's a great feeling.

You bring up a good point, though. I have often felt like I wear my addiction for all to see before they even take the chance to know me...

Where I've Been and Where I'm Going