Wednesday, May 06, 2009


I'm feeling better today. I slept pill-less last night, though I still didn't even go into the bedroom until close to twelve. I slept hard and dreamless, which is my norm. Even more exciting, I literally dropped 2.5 pounds overnight. See? Not real weight. Stress weight.

This morning I had a great chest workout and run on the elliptical. I gotta say though - I don't think I'll ever have a great looking chest. I'd like to, but my muscle structure for my pec muscles just isn't super-sweet. Such are my woes...

In other news... no other news. I packed more last night. I watched Biggest Loser and was happy for Ron as he crossed the finish line for the marathon, even if it took him 13 hours to complete. Pretty amazing force of will out of him. I sometimes feel watching that show like I could cry for the amazing achievements of these people, and how much they've grown during the course of the show, but then I remember that real men don't cry and so I don't. But my heart still goes out to each and every one of the people on that show. Plus Allison Sweeny is hot, even if her overly-empathetic delivery rings false most times. Isn't she an actress by trade? No wonder she's still doing daytime soaps...

Tonight is the penultimate Lost for this season, though as I'm from Minnesota we don't actually use words like penultimate, we use phrases like second-to-last instead. So I'm looking forward to watching the second-to-last Lost of the season. It's gotten to be pretty damn trippy this year, but I really like it. I just hope I don't drink too many sodas or eat too many chips as I watch.

Oh, my place looks like a dump as I try to pack. I've got stuff strewn all about the joint, and it drives me nuts. A year and a half ago (is there a bigger vocabulary word that encompasses that amount of time? If there was would my Midwestern roots allow me to use it?) my friend Dan came over to help me. My place was a total, and I mean TOTAL disaster area. My front closet was bursting with junk (it's a storage closet and stretches some 15 feet back and is 3 feet wide), there were giant piles of trash everywhere. You literally could not walk from the front door to the couch only on carpet. You had to step on clothes and garbage and trash and whatever else was littering my place. But that day that Dan came over, we worked on the apartment for eight straight hours. I think I filled up 8 grocery CARTS with bags of garbage, big pieces of furniture, and whatever else I wanted gone. Looking back, I can honestly say that that day was the first day of healing for me. I'd decided that I just could not allow myself to live like that any longer. The level of cleanliness was an emotional barometer for how I was feeling. So now I do my best to clean up my place every week. I tend to take my car to get washed weekly too now. My standard may not be up to some others' standards, but I'm okay with that. I still put the effort in, because it makes me feel so much better living in a place that's clean. That's treated with respect. It's a sign that I respect myself. So to have stuff strewn all about now as I'm deconstructing my apartment and putting it into boxes is kind of tough. I see the huge mess and I start feeling a little nutty. Like, if I accept that the place is a bit of a dump, then I could start backsliding into that place I fought and still fight daily to free myself from.

Wow... that became somewhat rambly. I should really think about rereading this post and editing it to make it tighter and more readable. At the same time, this chick thinks I'm funny and raw, so perhaps leaving this post raw is a better reflection of who I am? Not that I put too many jokes in here today.



Ripx180 said...

Glad to read things are going better for you. Not getting good sleep can wreak havoc on a person. I hear you on the chest muscles, I think I have lame chest muscles too. Still trying to rid myself of the last of the moobies. I also feel you on the house being clean. We are in the process of selling our place so we have had to keep it "show" ready. Its a pain but it really feels good to live in a super clean nice looking home. My wife and I hope that we develop some habits from this time that carry over to our next place. Having a clean organized home does have a positive effect on me.

Rebecca said...

Ugh packing is so overwhelming. I moved transatlantic last year so I know how you feel belive me. But there is a sense of achievement that comes along with it and it will be so worth it for you!

Great job on the pill-less sleeping. I am not a fan of taking pills either.

jo said...

I'm glad you slept better. Glad that 2.5 is gone. It is stress. Moving is in the top-10 list of most stressful events for people.

My family and I did a purge of everything in the house right after Christmas. While I keep the house pretty well picked up, we just had way too much stuff. We filled the van several times with donations, and we ordered a dumpster and got rid of broken or trashy junk.

It was liberating. Maybe that helped set my weight loss journey in motion as well, like it did for you.

Fat[free]Me said...

Sounds like a lot of positive changes are happening your way. It may be difficult now (believe me, Iknow, I move home every 2 years or so), but a home move is an opportunity to improve.

SeaShore said...

Hey, I smiled when I saw penultimate! It's a word I try to use as much as I can, and now it's running joke between me and my husband, lol. It's a $5 word that sounds much more grand than what it is ;)

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