Wednesday, March 12, 2008


In leiu of the caloric price paid for yesterday's coffee and muffin, today I decided to stop at the gas station on my way to work and pick up a pair of bananas and a liter of water. I got to work, ate the two bananas, then went looking for nutrition facts. Turns out bananas have 172 calories apiece. 172! So today I'm at 344 so far. Miles ahead of the 940 or whatever yesterday's breakfast was, but still.

If you do any sort of research into how to eat better, you'll no doubt see that many experts recommend eating 6 smaller meals per day instead of the traditional American 3. Taking the average recommended caloric intake (is this coming from the government? I need to look into this number a bit more) of 2000 calories a day, you'll see that a meal should be 333 calories (2000/6). So I'm over. Of course, I won't be getting a second small meal before lunch (I should though, I'm quite hungry at the moment), so I guess I'm at 666 to spend at lunch, but jeez, monitoring this is going to be harder than I thought.

I think that the first thing to go will be soda. At 170 calories for a 12 ounce can of Mountain Dew, they quickly erode my allotted calories per meal. Swapping water for the pop should reduce my daily calories by 340~510. Did you know that 20 cans of soda is 1 pound? Not to mention the effects on your teeth or any potential diabetes risks with that much sugar. 20 cans is a pound. I easeily have 12~15 cans during my work week, plus several on the weekend. That's a pound a week right there.

If you've read my old blog (which I foolishly discarded), you're aware of my issues with soda addiction. Or perhaps caffeine addiction. I'm sure that it will be a future post as I continue to press forward.

They're my favorite fruit.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Add up what you eat.

Just for fun, if you're morbidly obese (I'm somewhere around 335 these days, and what a descriptive term for my current condition, not that it's inaccurate) you should do your best to figure out the caloric content of everything you've eaten today. This is assuming that you've not yet taken any steps to correct what may be wildly imbalanced.

Now, I've heard before, "don't be a slave to the scale, don't worry about counting calories, just worry about eating less and exercising". Bah. How can you know where you're going, if you don't know where you are? It seems to be the failing mantra of those who'd rather not answer the phone for fear of the bill collectors on the other end. So again, remember back and add 'em up.

Today for breakfast* I stopped at the Caribou Coffee drive through on my way into work. One medium White Chocolate Mocha (530) and a blueberry muffin (410) later, and I was at a nice 940 calories to start my day. Nice. Then for lunch I had a 6" Subway Club (320) with provolone cheese (50) lettuce (0) and spinach (no listing online), onions (5) and pickles (0), mayo (110), dijon mustard (5), oil (45), salt, pepper and parmesan cheese (no listing). I also had two white chip macadamia nut cookies (440!) and a bottle of water. That's 975. My co-worker asked if I was on a diet. Fuck that guy. :) Anyway, now I'm up to 1915. An afternoon Mountain Dew (170) saw me breaking the 2000 point mark before 3pm (2085). For dinner I thought about Taco Bell, but did Subway again, this time opting for the 12" club, same toppings (1070). Currently I'm at 3155 calories today and I'm still hungry.

If I wasn't suddenly keeping score, I'd probably get something sweet to eat at this point, or more soda or something. And on a typical day, I would have at least two more sodas, which would be another what, 340? So on average, I'm eating ~3500-4000 a day. One pound of fat is 3500 calories. What do you think a guy who drives to a job where he sits all day long burns for calories? 1200? 1600? So roughly I'm putting on three to four pounds a week. Seems a bit high, so I guess I'm burning a few more calories than 1600, but I'd cop to a 1 to 2 pound growth every week.


*most important meal of the day!

The Airplane Issue

So this past weekend I had to attend an event out of town, and to get there I had to fly. Flying, while fairly innocuous in the past, has taken on a new dimension since the past holidays.

Over Christmas I flew an airline that I normally don't. Typically I fly Northwest, and while it's not the greatest of airlines, especially with a nod to service, it's serviceable in the end. At Christmas, in my quest to not be totally broken by the fees of the airlines, I flew American. Anyone out there have experience with this? Anyone know where this is going?

Turns out that American Airlines has a length issue with their seatbelts. I guess more correctly, I have an issue with their seatbelt length. I don't know how long they are, but I can officially say that they aren't long enough. Or more correctly again, I'm too wide for them. I asked the stewardess for an extension, and she was able to provide one, which was cool as the whole time I'm having my anxieties act out a funny play in my head in which I'm told that until my belt is buckled, the plane isn't leaving, and that because I can't buckle this fucking thing, that I'll just be delaying everyone, booted off the plane, made fun of, yadda yadda yadda. Though one of the stewardesses (airline attendants?) did hand the extension to me all covert-like on the downlow. She was, no doubt, trying to save me a bit of embarassment, but in the end confirmed what I already knew - my waistline is shameful.

Anyway, Northwest has longer seatbelts and during my flights this time I was fine, though I did catch the nice look the woman in the middle seat flashed her husband when I motioned that I had the seat next to her. They giggled as if they'd been doing the hack comedian bit about being stuck next to the fat fuck on the plane. Fair enough.

I don't want to be the guy who stewardesses feel sorry for and who is the butt of catty looks and hack comic bits. And I don't really want to fly again anytime soon.

And I don't want to be fat anymore.

Where I've Been and Where I'm Going