So this past weekend I had to attend an event out of town, and to get there I had to fly. Flying, while fairly innocuous in the past, has taken on a new dimension since the past holidays.
Over Christmas I flew an airline that I normally don't. Typically I fly Northwest, and while it's not the greatest of airlines, especially with a nod to service, it's serviceable in the end. At Christmas, in my quest to not be totally broken by the fees of the airlines, I flew American. Anyone out there have experience with this? Anyone know where this is going?
Turns out that American Airlines has a length issue with their seatbelts. I guess more correctly, I have an issue with their seatbelt length. I don't know how long they are, but I can officially say that they aren't long enough. Or more correctly again, I'm too wide for them. I asked the stewardess for an extension, and she was able to provide one, which was cool as the whole time I'm having my anxieties act out a funny play in my head in which I'm told that until my belt is buckled, the plane isn't leaving, and that because I can't buckle this fucking thing, that I'll just be delaying everyone, booted off the plane, made fun of, yadda yadda yadda. Though one of the stewardesses (airline attendants?) did hand the extension to me all covert-like on the downlow. She was, no doubt, trying to save me a bit of embarassment, but in the end confirmed what I already knew - my waistline is shameful.
Anyway, Northwest has longer seatbelts and during my flights this time I was fine, though I did catch the nice look the woman in the middle seat flashed her husband when I motioned that I had the seat next to her. They giggled as if they'd been doing the hack comedian bit about being stuck next to the fat fuck on the plane. Fair enough.
I don't want to be the guy who stewardesses feel sorry for and who is the butt of catty looks and hack comic bits. And I don't really want to fly again anytime soon.
And I don't want to be fat anymore.