Going Solo

Just got back from the gym. Feeling very good.

Last week I was a bit passive-aggressive towards Dan the Workout Partner. See, I've got a fairly casual relationship with time, where others don't. Between five and ten minutes late for me is "on-time", and unless I'm 20 minutes late I really don't see an issue. Apparently that's just me.

While I was on my gym hiatus when sick, Dan got done with workouts faster, listened to his iPod instead of gabbing with me, and liked getting to work "on-time". So last week he decided to enact a new policy; he would be on the elliptical at 6:30am sharp, regardless of where I was.

Last Monday I rolled in at 6:35. I could see him jogging in place on the machine, ear buds in, looking straight ahead. I got up there, he finished, he walked away. I completed my 20 minutes, then I went downstairs to lift. He was waiting for me. We finished our workout.

Tuesday I got there at 6:30 (apparently his method worked - I'm conditioned already!) As I was walking in, he was walking out of the locker room. He turned, saw me, then waited. But you know what? At this point, I was pissed. In my head I thought, "fuck it - you don't want to wait? Don't fucking wait. Go up there. Go elliptical (or whatever the proper verb is). Go put on your headphones and ignore me. Don't you dare fucking wait." But what I said was, "..." and just didn't look him in the eye. When we got done with cardio and moved on to weights, I didn't respond to his attempts at conversation.

Wednesday I got there at 6:32. He was on the elliptical. I ignored him to the best of my ability while at the same time working out with him.

Thursday I got there at 6:32. He was walking out of the locker room. I ignored him as soon as I saw him - same feelings had brewed up. He doesn't want to wait? Fine. Don't fucking wait. But don't expect that I won't have some type of reaction, even if my reaction is to ignore you. By the time we're doing weights, he asks if something is wrong - if I'm mad at him.

I find myself not being a Real Man, and saying, "whatever."

Friday I got there at 6:31. As I step out of my car, I see him stepping out of his. And now I'm fine. Because I know the truth - it's *hard* to get to the gym every day. It takes goddamn effort. So if he needs an extra couple of minutes, that's okay. I just like when he's there.

That said, I've gone to the gym the past two days without him. His job has him traveling at least once a month, and whenever he's not going to the gym in the morning, I don't go either. But that anger of last week, that mental isolation from him... it was actually fantastic in a way. Because I showed up. I did the work. And I did it without him, for all intents and purposes. So yesterday when I got a text at 6 saying that he was feeling ill and wouldn't be there, I realized that I could choose to not go and it would be fine, or I could choose to go and make this gym thing mine, not something that I *need* him for. I chose the latter. And I did it again today.

Having a workout partner is really nice. He keeps me accountable and when I really don't feel like going, I know he's waiting for me (or was... lol). But I've come to the realization that I don't have to have Dan there to lift the weights. I'm just fine on my own.

Man... I sound like a real bitch on this post. lol. Oh well, perhaps some days I am.